Sun Kissed

Sometimes I deny myself something for so long I forget I'm doing it. Sometimes I deny myself something for so long I forget to even analyze why I'm doing it. This is the sort of thing that needs to change in my life. 

For years and years, I have not left the house without covering my shoulders and upper arms. I could say it is because I worried about sun damage but that isn't really true. 

I did it because I was ashamed of my own choices. I wasn't strong enough to just own who and what I am. I'm a fat woman with fat arms and fat shoulders. Also I guess I for some reason thought no one would notice when I had sleeves on?

Something?

Anyway, so yesterday, it was hot as hell. I went out with just a tank on. My shoulders, for the first time in years, got to be exposed to the sun. And they vibrated. My shoulders and my upper arms felt like they were singing because of the warmth and attention. It felt amazing. I felt beautiful. I loved it.

That isn't to say I'll go sleeveless every day of summer now, but when I feel like it, I certainly won't deny myself.

There is always this push toward self-care and loving yourself. I think a lot of this is market-driven and it gets very overwhelming. Sometimes the best way to show yourself love isn't to DO something so much as to stop denying yourself something. Sometimes you just need ten minutes of the sun kissing your skin.