Fear of Derailment

I am making slow but sure progress. I am stronger than I was at the beginning of summer. I am more focused than I was at the beginning of summer. I have some clarity about my day-to-day plans and activities. 

And I wish I could just be positive about this, but I'm not. I've been here before. I've dug myself out of this hole at far higher levels than the one I've fallen to this time. And every time, I have stopped digging and just let myself sink and sink and sink. I am terrified I will do it again.

Last night I had a nightmare about it. I dreamed I broke my leg and ruined everything. Every time I walk, I get scared I'll trip and fall and break something or bruise something or do SOMETHING to screw this up.

I don't think this is unreasonable fear as I've done this my whole life. 

I mean, what kind of person has broken both their top two vertebrae (and it not been treated) and also their coccyx? It's like my spine was doomed. 

Anyway, let's hope for no derailment. OR at least if there is a derailment, I can pull myself back on the track, yeah? Please?