I've mentioned before how I love birds. I love their fat little crests and various colors. I love to watch them fly. I love how oddly ordered and measured their lives are. I think birds are so pretty when they perch on things. I think they're adorable when they hop around. I don't want to own a bird (they're either too much commitment or, well, I have cats), but I love that I have so many of them around me all the time. Well, usually, I love that. Sometimes birds can be total bitches.
For instance, this morning, as I was lounging in bed and listening to the morning song of the birds, things were disrupted by one of their rank. Sing sing sing sing WHONK! I know I made some face when I heard this last bit. Maybe it was just a random car horn or something. Sing sing sing sing WHONK! I swear, this time, even the song birds stopped. I could just imagine them all outside, their eyes wide as they looked around to figure out which one of them was making that horrible noise. I didn't hear the whonk bird after that. I'm guessing they snobbed it off.
A few years back, some stupid bird laid its eggs in the parking lot of the place where I go for therapy. The office manager felt for the bird, and set up a barrier so no one would hit the eggs. Well and good. However, any time you walked to the building, the birds thought you were attacking the nest and would run at you, wings batting, making the most horrible noise ever. Just in case you're ever in the situation, it's quite impossible to explain to a pissed off bird that you're not going to harm its nest. Just get away a quickly as possible.
However, no little bird can compare to the scary ass moment you realize you've pissed off a goose. I used to hang out at the park and watch the ducks swimming and doing their little duck stuff. It was calming and lovely and usually brought me a sense of peace and serenity.
Then the local geese had children, and everything went to hell. Every time someone would show up at the pond, the geese assumed they were there to destroy their children. I admire people who are committed to protecting their families, but this was rather overboard.
I didn't realize the geese had spawned until I pulled up to my usual spot and rolled down my window to get some air. Next thing I knew, I hear this loud HONK! right by my ear and turn to see the open and hissing mouth of a goose. I managed not to pee on myself, but I'm not exactly sure how.
Like with the last bird situation, I knew I couldn't reason with the goose. I just started the car and got the hell out of there as quickly as possible. The goose followed me, waddling all badass to drive me away. It was still hissing and flapping its wings. Well played, goose. You made your point.
Of course, with the exception of the snobbery against the whonk bird, the other instances were just a case of parents trying to protect their young. They weren't trying to harm me out of some kind of maliciousness. I still would have been harmed though, intent doesn't change the outcome. Still, even with some unpleasant bird experiences, I still love the befeathered things. I just hope they don't bite me.
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