Drink Scotch Whiskey all Night Long . . .

My internet has been a mess all day. Everything is running as slow as possible and stalling on me. There are some sites I just can't even open. I'm really hoping this blog post shows up.  This is very upsetting to my pattern of dollmaking/gameplaying/forumreading/musiclistening. Yes, I know. Deep and important pursuits. Hey, they keep me mostly sane.

Seriously, the net is really bad tonight. Every time Blogger autosaves, Pandora stalls on me. It's like having big dramatic pauses in the music. With the sultans, with the sult...............wing. Okay, like drunken pauses when the singer forgets the lyrics. Not good ones.

Yes, I'm listening to a nice 70's band station. I've been in this kind of nostalgia mood all day.  In fact, earlier I was listening to covers of disco songs, just to see what people could do with them. Verdict, some pretty neat stuff. I was quite pleased. On a related note, I want to learn to play the ukulele.

Right now, I'm listening to this Doobie Brothers/Eagles/Steely Dan/Fleetwood Mac station. It's a Mom station, built around the music I associate the most with her.  These are songs she introduced me to.  I wouldn't care if these songs sucked completely. I just couldn't see it because they remind me so much of her. 

When I hear them, I can picture her driving, a beer in her hand, windows down, sunglasses on, and singing passionately along with them. Mom was most happy when she was driving and singing. I think it was the one time she would really let go of all her torment and just be in the moment. I think music was the one place she would let herself escape.

And yes, I realized I just spoke of my mother drinking and driving. That was quite common, really. Like, practically every day. Like the lyrics say, "Drink scotch whiskey all night long and die behind the wheel." This was just the par for our lives. See this is why I can never say I'm not a lucky girl. I lived for years in  the potential shitstorm of my mother having a drunken car wreck. 

Actually, I was in a couple of wrecks with her. I wrote about one of them. The other one happened when she was writing a bike and I was in the babyseat on the back. She flipped us, from what I have been told. I was too little to remember. Though given how I act now, I'm guessing I landed on my head.

You know what's interesting about the songs like this is that they're kind of a slow burn towards destruction. Unlike the stuff I listen to and identify as close to my own tendencies, the songs my mother loved lulled one into destruction. Yeah, we're having a good time . . . oh wow, the house just burned down, but in a classy way. 

Oh wow. The next song up was Pink Floyd's "Wish You were Here." I think need to change stations before I get weepy.