Spoons

Today, I happened to be in a message board and came across The Spoon Theory. It's very awesome and makes complete sense. I am very glad I found it.  The basic idea is that each of us (especially people who are ill) have only so many bits of energy we can dedicate in a day. The originator of the theory used spoons to illustrate her point.

Her friend asked her what it was like to be ill all the time. She handed her 12 spoons and explained that while healthy people have an infinite number of spoons (energy), sick people have a limited supply. You have to make choices about how your spoons will be spent. She then began to take spoons away from her as they discussed all the activities she would have in a day.

In my life, different aspects of my energy and resources have different spoon levels. I know things are limited, but there are some variables that give or taken away spoons for me.

For instance, I don't have a lot of physical energy. I can walk around the house, do some tasks, do some exercise, and tend to my basic needs. I would say, to use the metaphor, I have about five spoons of physical energy. During the summer, this drops to four because the heat takes so much out of me. The total number is up from where it was before I got my CPAP.  Back then, I probably had about two spoons' worth of energy. I could do very minor tasks and tend to my basic needs. The rest of the time, I was falling asleep.

The physical levels are increasing. I am trying to build my energy/endurance levels, so I expect to have more this time next year. I do not believe it will be a boundless amount.

I think it gets more complex with my social energy levels. I would say that on a good day, I probably have ten spoons of social energy. I can carry on conversations, talk to people, listen to them, and do other social things. During the summer, I lose two spoons, again because it is so hot.  When I am having some of my more intense mental or emotional problems, I lose another two spoons, taking me down to six.

Past that, it will just depend on the situation. If the socialization is commanding a lot of emotional energy from me, it's going to drain faster. If the socialization isn't something I am interested in, but am still required to participate in, it's going to drain VERY fast. If the social activity involved someone asking me a lot of questions or demanding I be entertaining beyond what I find enjoyable (especially on days when I'm not feeling that creative), my energy is going to drain away very quickly.

What is interesting and somewhat frustrating about losing your spoons (energy) is that once it happens, you shut down. You are drained. You need some time to recharge yourself. If it is a physical activity, you might just need to be sit for a while and rest. If it is a social thing, perhaps it is best if you can find a way to remove yourself from others until you can deal with them again.

There have been times when I was out with a friend or at a party, when I just found myself in that place where I knew I was starting to shut down emotionally and socially from the situation. In those cases, though I know perhaps the others found it baffling, I would politely tell everyone goodbye and leave. It was kind of embarrassing, but at the same time, I knew if I stayed, I'd just be no fun to anyone, including myself.  I needed to get away.

I think it is very important to know what your physical, social, emotional, mental, and creative limits are. I do not find this to be a defeating concept. In the same way that it is important to know how much money you have so you can formulate a realistic budget, it is practical and wise to know how much energy you have so you can make better choices about how to stretch it out over your day.

For example, say you wake up and know you don't have a lot of emotional energy that day. In order to make that energy last from your waking point to your going to bed point, you will need to make careful choices about how you spend that energy. If talking to your mother-in-law normally drains you on a GOOD emotional day, it is probably wise to not talk to her on a low day. If shopping for groceries is a big hassle for you emotionally, it is best to reschedule shopping for another day.

If others don't like it, big deal. These are your resources for you to manage, not theirs. If you have ten dollars to make it until the end of the week and a friend wants you to go to the movies with them, they shouldn't get upset when you tell them you can't afford it. This is just how things are.

So yeah, if you don't want to stumble through life feeling completely drained, start considering your internal resources. Be honest about what limitations you have and  make decisions based on what is best for maximizing the energy you have.  If you're not happy with those levels, allot some time from each day to work on increasing your capacities. At the same time, understand this may be a slow process.

In the end though, it might help you go to bed feeling less weary than you did the night before.