Summer Complaining

I hate summer so much. Even the little joys I could get out of it in the past are dwindling.  Last night is a good example of that. Normally on the 4th of July, we sit outside and watch the fireworks. It's a small thing, but it's our thing. It's been a tradition since we moved to this house.

This year, we didn't do it. The displays were in a different location and harder to see. It was so muggy sitting on the porch would have been uncomfortable, and there were too many night bugs crawling and creeping around. Like I said, I know this is a small thing, but it meant a lot and this year it just couldn't happen.

I also like the strange, off-season TV shows that happen during the summer. This year, aside from Face Off and American Ninja Warrior, there just isn't a lot on. We've tried several other shows, but aside from a few talent search contests, none of them were any good. This leaves us with days on days of nothing on, which always seems like such a waste of money to me.

I get that for many people, summer is a fun time of year. I am not trying to drag your enjoyment down. I'm glad you have it.

For me, however, it's like summer weather amplifies all the shit that is difficult in my life. My pain intensifies. There are nights when I honestly cannot find a comfortable position. Sheets and pillow cases in humid conditions stick to you, begin to bite into your skin, and are often itchy. I'm always hot, always wet, and always irritated because of it. Because of this and my CPAP mask, I never get good sleep during the summer.

My feet keep a special level of swollen to them. Right now my shoes are on and they are making my feet feel like fire. I don't want them on, but if I walk and step on something, my swollen feet make it feel ten times worse than it normally would. Going anywhere, which is always an ordeal, becomes a bigger ordeal when it's hot. I never feel clean, even just after a bath.

I get that I'm not in the level of pain that some people are, but I am in pain. Sitting is painful. I have to keep a sheet on my chair to keep the itchy material from touching me, but during the summer the sheet will bunch up and start digging into my legs if I'm in shorts. I have to be in shorts because it's too hot to deal with things otherwise. Every part of my body hurts. There is no 'not in pain' there is just a sense of temporarily being in less pain for a few moments when I find a position that isn't awful, but it never lasts. My legs hurt when they're down but fall asleep and begin to cramp when I put them on the ottoman.

It will be a little easier when it gets hot enough to turn on the AC. At least then the humidity will leave the house for a while. At least then there will be some level of comfort. It won't stop all of the awfulness, but it stops a bit of it.

Until then, I'm in pain, anxious, irritated, lacking in sleep, and generally bitchy. I'm sure I'm pure joy to deal with right now. Fuck summer.