Healthy Relationships

I see a lot of stuff about love being posted. Well, okay, mostly I see a lot of stuff about people complaining about people making bad choices in relationships, making their own bad choices, complaining about not BEING in relationships, or why they should be deserving of relationships but society says blah blah blah.

Admittedly, I used to be in that last group. Back when I was interested in relationships, I thought I wasn't in one because Society and otherwise I would be in one. This is not true. For one thing, there are plenty of people fatter than me who have relationships. For another, society isn't the issue.

The issue is, and the truth of the matter is, IF you want a chance at a healthy relationship, you need to BE healthy and choose to be with someone else who is also healthy. I'm not just talking about physical health here. In fact, often physical health is the least important factor in this, though it can be affected by your lack of health.

No, I'm talking about all the other stuff. You need to be mentally healthy. You need to be emotionally healthy. You need to be stable both financially and in the kind of environment you create around you. You need to be sober and rational. You need to know and celebrate your own worth. You need to be responsible, reasonable, and mature.

Otherwise, one or both of the people in the relationship is going to suffer.

I'm not saying if you don't have those qualities you are a loser who doesn't deserve happiness. However, I AM saying that if you don't have those qualities and do not plan to/cannot actually achieve them, then it's best you find happiness in ways that do not involve relationships that will lead to love, marriage, that stuff. If you are not healthy, you will not be able to create a healthy life with someone else. It's impossible. One or both of you will be miserable. One or both of you will be destroying years you could have spent in other, more productive, more contented ways.

This does not make you a bad person. It just makes you a person who would be bad in relationships. This does not make you a hopeless person. It just makes you a person who needs to refocus their goals to exclude other people in long term romantic ways. And that is a fine thing to do. It can be a really rewarding way to live your life because you're not having to devote all that energy and time to a relationship. That stuff takes effort, often effort that people who aren't that healthy really don't have. It could leave you exhausted.

When I was younger, I fell into the typical trap of thinking I could ONLY be happy if I was in love and loved by someone else. I would make myself miserable when this sort of thing didn't happen with the person I wanted at the time. The worst part about that is that I wasted so much time thinking about it, worrying about it, complaining to others, feeling awful.......when I could have used that time to be productive and happy about all the other things happening in my life. I had a million blessings happening and chose to focus just on the things I didn't have.

Some people think relationships will heal you if you're not healthy. They don't. Some people think you will get past your depression and feelings of self-loathing if you're in a relationship. You won't. That is chemical stuff that needs meds and therapy. Some people believe you are only accepted in society if you're in a relationship. Actually, sadly, there are situations to where this one is true. However, I think you should ask yourself why you really think being in said situation would even be in your best interests. If they can't accept you on your own, why?

Anyway, try to heal. Try to love yourself. Try to make the best of the life you have right now. You may not have someone else, but you have YOU and your microbiom. That should be enough.