Compliments

I saw this article about 'why we should all stop ____" and I'll be honest here. I don't like stuff like that. I know that people are trying to NOT point fingers by making it a general 'we' but no one is fooled. Everyone feels condescended to. Oh and also, no one likes being told what to do.

Yeah and to be honest, I've probably made posts like that in the past, but I'm going to try to not do that anymore. It's bad communication. Instead, I'm going to give you a bit of my own personal self-discovery.

The article in question was what everyone should stop complimenting people when they lose weight. The points were solid, but, again, the article felt like it was lecturing people, maybe even over something they don't do or never did with bad intentions. Anyway, this is why I, as just a general person, will no longer do this.

When I was younger, I would, like basically everyone else around me, compliment people when they lost weight. I have no idea what their motives were. Mine were simple. I did not want to look bitter.  This person lost weight, I had not lost weight, and I did not want to look like a spiteful little bitch who took that personally. So really, my motivation had nothing to do with anyone but me. That isn't a good motivation.

I think I started to turn around on this when I would listen to my grandmother talk about how she commented on people's weight loss. She ALWAYS told me about it, because, of course, she thought that was encouraging me to lose weight (it wasn't) and would do so in the smuggest and haughty way.  "Oh, I saw Random Woman and she's lost weight. I went up to her and told her how much I LOVED the New Her." I'm a little shocked Gramma didn't tell her how much she disliked the Old Her, but even she had a small bit of tact. Just a small one though.

It was all I could do to keep from rolling my eyes when she would tell these stories. Gramma wasn't really complimenting the other person either. She was taking it personally that they lost weight while I had failed to and used this as a moment to wedge in a chance to talk to me about my failures.  Again, not really a compliment.

See, for me, this is a situation where the motive is important. I tend to run my mouth and assume whatever I'm saying is for the best, but honestly, is it? There are a lot of things I've tried to unlearn over the years and it's a constant process. If I compliment someone, I want to make sure my reasons are about them, not me. And it isn't about people being too sensitive or easily offended or whatever. This is about me wanting to be a better communicator, a more responsible communicator. Oh look, it's still about me. Jeez.