Sabotage

Back at the first of September, I set a goal for myself. It was, to the reckoning of most people, a very small goal. Tiny. Teensy. For me, however, it was a starting point to regain something I've mostly lost. To regain this, I knew I needed to start in an itsy-bitsy way. Mostly though, I needed to start. I did preparation for this goal every day of September.

I spent most of today trying to talk myself out of it.

Whenever I would try to go start this new thing, my brain would go on hyper and bombard me with reasons as to why I shouldn't do it NOW. Reason after reason after reason. I spent the majority of the day warring with myself. I didn't accomplish my goal until almost 11 pm. I DID accomplish it, but it was one hell of a mental struggle.

Whatever is wrong with me, whatever is truly wrong with my life is whatever is causing that level of mental sabotage. I shouldn't have to fight myself this hard over something that was so minor most people wouldn't even pay attention to doing it.