I'm not even sure where this will go this time. Today was very hard on me emotionally. I'm not even sure exactly why. This happens sometimes. I have these days where I am just a raw ball of nerves and it's everything I can do to contain it and just keep talking and smiling and being somewhat sane and pleasant without just bursting into tears.
Normally I'm not that bad, especially now that I have meds to help me with it. But even now I have days where it's horrible. Everything feels so frayed and I want to just want to curl into a ball and shake. Instead, I start shutting down. I retreat emotionally, almost hitting this fugue state. I talk and I respond, but I'm more or less having to force myself to do so. It's difficult.
On days like this, I just want to drift. Not feel, not think, not experience. I just want to BE....just float along until the parade of crazytastic weirdness has passed through the streets of my brain, packed up its boxes, and skipped out of town for the next few months.
Hopefully that will be tomorrow.
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