As to not seem too pathetic, I selected one of her son's small logic puzzles. In this case, it was one of those number jobbies where you have 1-15 jumbled up on a grid with a blank space. You slide the pieces up and down or sideways to get them in order.
I'm a fairly smart cookie, so within a minute, I had most of it completed. In fact, it basically looked like this.
At this point, I paused and stared at the puzzle for a long time. I'd come so far and all I had were those last three to get it perfect. But . . .
See, it was at this moment that I understood this wasn't so much a logic puzzle as a philosophical one. In order to make the last three pieces fit, I had to disrupt the order I'd created in the first 12. I had to risk all of my progress.
And while I managed to do this with the puzzle and actually did it with the hat I've been working on, I'm starting to realize how this applies in a greater sense to my life. There are a lot of times when I find myself in situations where things are somehow working, but not completely. However, the only way I can possibly make them work in a complete way is to unravel everything I've done so far.
This is the basic principle of settling though. "Oh, well it's not exactly right, but it's more or less okay, in a meh sort of way." I hear people all the time saying things like, "well, why didn't he leave that dead end job?" or "why did she stay with the useless husband?"
My answer to them is that puzzle. No one realizes a job is going no where or that a spouse is a soul-sucking assclown at first. These things take time. By the time you do start to realize how bad the situation is, you've already worked hard enough to solve 1-12. At that point, you have to ask yourself if this is enough.
Sometimes, we think 1-12 is enough. Sometimes, getting to that point has been so exhausting and so draining that we're okay with just leaving it at that.
The problem is, it isn't truly ever enough. No matter how much we try to focus on that first part, there is something making us constantly shift our eyes down to those last three numbers and know they're not working. We settled.
I think about 4 years ago, I could easily say my life was one of these puzzles, one where everything was just a mess. 3, 12, blank, 7, 9, probably some numbers that weren't even ON the board, maybe a triangle, and some Lovecraftian symbol just there to drive me insane. I've worked hard at trying to make sense of this. With tears and therapy and sometimes almost near-death moments, I've found a lot of order. I probably am, in my life, close to 1-12. The steps from 12 on . . . they're difficult and scary and to be honest, right at this moment, I'm not even sure they are possible.
Here's the trick though, and the way that I finally DID solve the actual puzzle. I reminded myself that I had solved the first numbers. I knew it was possible. So letting go and allowing myself to jumble them again so I could solve the last few was easier. Every day when I doubt things, like that I can lose weight or find a good job and get the rest of my life in order, I try and remember how bad things were before and how I found my way past them.
1-12 should never be the stumbling block of progress that keeps us from being happy. 1-12 should be the reminder that we've accomplished a lot and we can do even more.
See, it was at this moment that I understood this wasn't so much a logic puzzle as a philosophical one. In order to make the last three pieces fit, I had to disrupt the order I'd created in the first 12. I had to risk all of my progress.
And while I managed to do this with the puzzle and actually did it with the hat I've been working on, I'm starting to realize how this applies in a greater sense to my life. There are a lot of times when I find myself in situations where things are somehow working, but not completely. However, the only way I can possibly make them work in a complete way is to unravel everything I've done so far.
This is the basic principle of settling though. "Oh, well it's not exactly right, but it's more or less okay, in a meh sort of way." I hear people all the time saying things like, "well, why didn't he leave that dead end job?" or "why did she stay with the useless husband?"
My answer to them is that puzzle. No one realizes a job is going no where or that a spouse is a soul-sucking assclown at first. These things take time. By the time you do start to realize how bad the situation is, you've already worked hard enough to solve 1-12. At that point, you have to ask yourself if this is enough.
Sometimes, we think 1-12 is enough. Sometimes, getting to that point has been so exhausting and so draining that we're okay with just leaving it at that.
The problem is, it isn't truly ever enough. No matter how much we try to focus on that first part, there is something making us constantly shift our eyes down to those last three numbers and know they're not working. We settled.
I think about 4 years ago, I could easily say my life was one of these puzzles, one where everything was just a mess. 3, 12, blank, 7, 9, probably some numbers that weren't even ON the board, maybe a triangle, and some Lovecraftian symbol just there to drive me insane. I've worked hard at trying to make sense of this. With tears and therapy and sometimes almost near-death moments, I've found a lot of order. I probably am, in my life, close to 1-12. The steps from 12 on . . . they're difficult and scary and to be honest, right at this moment, I'm not even sure they are possible.
Here's the trick though, and the way that I finally DID solve the actual puzzle. I reminded myself that I had solved the first numbers. I knew it was possible. So letting go and allowing myself to jumble them again so I could solve the last few was easier. Every day when I doubt things, like that I can lose weight or find a good job and get the rest of my life in order, I try and remember how bad things were before and how I found my way past them.
1-12 should never be the stumbling block of progress that keeps us from being happy. 1-12 should be the reminder that we've accomplished a lot and we can do even more.
Bravo
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