Snark on Ice

I have a long history of falling down.  My mother almost named me Grace Elizabeth, which would have been the ironies of ironies as I am as clumsy as any human can be.  And I don't mean in that Bella-Swan-MarySue-Out-of-Sequence kind of way. I mean, real fall on your ass clumsy.

The night of my junior prom, I was doing some level of giggle and tickle with the boy I adored and somehow managed to fall and break my leg.  And this was after I was already out of high heels and the dress.  I spent the remaining days of my junior year hobbling around in a cast.

When I was in college, one of my friend's lived in a house that existed at the bottom of an incline.  When it would rain, the  sidewalk leading to the house would be covered in mud, sludge, and slime.  On the day I found out my GRE score, I went over to said friend's house to happily report my success. I was so elated with my intelligence (okay, let's face it, my LUCK in getting questions I knew) that I discounted the slimy hellpit that was the sidewalk and slipped headfirst into the quagmire of nastiness.

So as you can imagine, it is always with much trepidation that I venture out into ice covered streets.  Honestly, I'd planned not to do this at all, content to just sit in the house and ride out the slick.  But my roommate had an emergency dental issue, so I rode with him.  I thought it was the least I could do. Yes, as usual, the least I can do is......sit.

Of course, the ride was deeply scary.  We fishtailed a couple of times. He described me as "white-knuckled and silent" during the trip.  I wasn't exactly silent. I seem to remember a lot of unintelligible wailing, but it may have been too high pitched for my roommate to hear. I saw a lot of dogs staring at the van though.

We stopped midway to FS and he decided it would try and calm me down with chocolate and coffee. While well-intentioned, the coffee became more of a burden than a blessing.  It was too hot to drink and so I just kept it in my hands, trying to make sure I didn't spill it on myself as we skitted along.

However, in the end, the coffee did turn into a blessing. When we got to the denist office, I needed to use the restroom. All the jostling and fear, I guess.  My roommate got out and informed me the parking area by my feet was covered in ice.

I opened the door and footed around, finding nothing secure.  I knew if I could just find a non-icy-evil-threateny place to step, I'd be okay. Hopefully.  I just didn't know how to accomplish that.

Until I remembered the coffee.....

I took the cup and poured it all out, letting the blistering hellish temp of it melt the ice around me. I smiled just a little as I stepped out . . .then I almost slipped. . .but I grabbed myself and made it in just fine.

Honestly, me on ice should be its own reality show.  Or its own warning tale. Either way, at least I'm home and safe . .  .until tomorrow when we have to go and pay bills.