Recently, Bill O'Reilly has been in the news and on blogs about his asinine comments concerning "why atheists are wrong." I think everyone has heard the story. He started talking about how the tide comes in and the tide goes out and this is proof of an orderly god running everything. Then someone explained to him basic science, about how the moon causes tides. After this, he said other stupid things and more or less challenged the atheists to explain to him how all of this works if not for God.
You know, I'm not even going to approach this from a religious perspective. I will speak of the failure to communicate.
Christians (and other groups, I suppose, but I'm mainly around Christians and most often hear them talking) seem to hold a deep anger towards atheists. I've heard a lot of reasons for this. They believe atheists to be smug or arrogant, always going about spouting their nonbeliefs. Does this have some validation? Of course. In any group of people, a percentage of them will be smug assholes. That's just life. Most often, these smug people will also be the loudmouths. Squeaky wheel and all.
Christians will also complain that atheists are seeking to end their religious rights. Atheists stamped out prayer in school, protest when God is mentioned at social functions, that sort of thing. I'm always bemused by the prayer in school thing. When I was in school, I think I prayed all the time. Probably not the most mature or deep of prayers, but prayers nevertheless. It was all silent though. Praying can be, and often should be, like doing Kegel exercises . . . you can do them alll you want and its probably more productive if no one knows.
Deep down though, I think the reason why Christians get bent out of shape about atheists is that they know this is a sign of their own failure. These are the people who haven't been reached through witnessing, prayer, or living a Christ-centered life. Now, many Christians will say this is because the atheists have hardened their hearts against Christ or because they just want to be wicked and sinful....and in some cases, that might be true. Then they meet some atheist who is kind and generous and living a fairly meek and moral life. And no, I'm not saying that will "get you into Heaven" but it does fly in the face of the usual atheists stereotype.
So why are these people atheists?
And see, that single question is where many Christians suddenly begin to fail in communicating. They suddenly get on the defensive (which, by the way, is not Christlike) and go on the attack (also...not that Christlike). Instead of sitting down with the atheist and opening up a discussion about their beliefs and trying to find a common ground so they can start to really communicate, the whole Bill O'Reilly thing happens.
What kills me, is I think I know what Bill was TRYING to say. It would have been something like this, "Look, there is a lot about life I don't get. The world can be chaotic and freaky and very difficult. But sometimes when I'm on the beach, I'm struck by how no matter what is happening in the rest of the world, the tide goes in and comes out as it always does. There is an order to things, a harmony, a certainty. This gives me peace. Even when I'm scared, even when I'm sad, even when everything feels like it's about to fly off its hinges, I can look at the tide and find peace. And this deep peace, to me, is proof of God."
Something like that may not convince someone to change their beliefs, but . . . it also doesn't turn them away from what you're saying. Why? Because instead of being accusatory and sanctimonious (which always shuts people down from listening to you), it is open and inviting. It isn't a blanket statement about the whole world, but a personal statement about yourself. And that is what Christianity is supposed to be about...your relationship with Jesus.
Will we see this type of communication on shows like his? Probably not. It requires vulnerability and sincerity. It requires being able to get past your anger at someone else and opening up to let them see a part of you.
While this example is about religion, I think the concept is a problem in a lot of the way we try to talk to one another. Very often as Americans, we have opposing political or social views. We're all quite sure ours are correct and often get angry, fairly quickly and irrationally, when someone doesn't see it our way.
The worst thing we do at this point is try to demand they prove to us WHY they don't believe the way we do. O'Reilly made this error as well. It's not up to the atheists to prove to HIM why they don't believe in God. It's for him to find a way to help them see why they should. When you are the one wanting someone to change, they owe you NO justifications for why they won't. You are the one who is there to persuade them.
If you truly want someone to change their opinions about something, don't yell and scream at them. Don't insult them and try to bully them by surrounding yourself with people who see things the way you do. That might drown them out and it might keep them from making decisions . . . hell, it might even get them killed. It doesn't change their minds though. It doesn't persuade them to do or believe anything differently. So really, you've lost the argument. And if you are inclined to believe this way, you may have helped someone to lose their way.
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