Terrible Tuesday, Probably Revisited

Seriously, what the fuck is up with my Tuesdays? For the last six weeks, it's been cars or cats or computers or some other bullshit showing up to destroy the day.  I'd almost gotten past the little bit of PTSD I was having about Tuesdays, but then it had to fuck up again today. Thanks, fridge.

The day started out with a renewing of my hellish knee pain. I'd foolishly assumed that losing a little weight off of it would make my life better.  I guess it was just a temporary fix. I'm having to fidget just to find any angle where the fucking thing isn't killing me. As bad as the pain is, it also stresses me out because I have to do stuff, stuff that I can't just put off, and if my knee is still hurting this much, it's going to be torture.

Around 2:30, the roommate informed me that the fridge was fucking up. We called people to come and fix it, then got all the stuff out of it.  This process didn't take too long, as we'd recently cleaned the gimpy thing.  We also got to avoid the scram to clean it, as it looked pretty decent. Once the repair people got here, they replaced a part and charged us a little over $100.  I wasn't happy about the price, but it's less than a new fridge, so I dealt.  At the time, I assumed the problem was settled.

But now my roommate informs me that it's still not cooling down.  This has spun both of us back into our own private hells because we certainly can NOT afford to buy a new one. Hell, we probably can't afford to buy a used one.  This also brings back my knee pain into the equation. Even if we can somehow manage to find the money to get a new fridge, we won't be able to splurge for someone to deliver it. This means we're hauling it ourselves and getting into the house ourselves. Right now, the idea of doing that on this knee is just agony.

Am I going to give up? Absolutely not! This is frustrating, but it's also more and more reason for me to keep working on my health. I want moments like this, moments of pain and worry, to transform into fire for me.  I want them to be what pushes me forward and keeps me going, so that maybe a few years from now, I'm not having to worry about how to pay for appliances or if I'll be in good enough shape to deal with a crisis.

There have been so many times in my life when I did want to give up. I'm not talking about just giving up on building healthy and positive habits (because clearly I didn't do that), I'm talking about giving up altogether, in the alive sense.  I'm not going to do that anymore though. Fuck that. Fuck the problems. We're smart enough to find a way around this. It may take us a while to do so, but we will. And we'll do it stunningly.