New Shoes

I suffer from fairly intense Buyer's Remorse.  Just about every purchase I make for anything sends me into a frenzy of worry and emotional regret.  It really makes me loathe the buying process. It also annoys the piss out of me because I know that being decisive is a good thing to be. It's something I want to be. My brain just never wants this.

I think part of this stems from being so poor. All financial decisions are potentially  disastrous in a monetary way.  Even spending too much on a bra might come back and bite me in the ass when I needed the money for something else. Big purchases send me into a very dark place. I was emotionally fucked for weeks after choosing my last automobile. I'm still not sure I made the best decision. Actually, I am. I know I made the best decision give my limited options.

This even happens in stupid Facebook games. I'll save up gold or coins or whatever to buy items I like, only to instantly regret them once I make the purchase. Any game that rewards you with a slow gain of premium coins always screws with me the most. Every purchase I make feels like the wrong one. Half the time, I'll sit there and let the premium coins build up because I just feel unhappy about doing anything with them at all. No one should get this emotional about a stupid social game.

However, I must say I am quite pleased with my new shoes. They look decentish and fit well. They also appear somewhat more durable than the last several pair and feel lighter on my feet. Normally when I go shoe shopping, it is a day of bitterness and remorse. Today though, I came out of there feeling positive and very sure about the decision I made.

In the meantime, I'm going to work on this issue I have with buying stuff. I want to make informed and logical decisions about purchases, but past that, I want to just let it go and accept that I did the best with what I had to work with. This constant emotional drain and analysis on what I did just isn't good for me. It needs to stop.