I had a couple of these events happen to me recently and they both deal with the facts of summer. The first one occurred a few weeks ago. I had to drive my roommate to the store. I wasn't going to be getting out of the van, but that meant I would be sitting in it while it was hot. I decided I would wear shorts instead of putting on full length pants.
This was not easy for me. See, when I was in the fourth grade (and ironically at my least heavy . . . I think weighed maybe 150 and I was 5'4" at the time), I would go to school in shorts and people would make fun of me. One boy actually went so far as to ask a whole group of people if they thought I looked as 'retarded' in shorts as he thought I did. Then he proceeded to make noises he apparently associated with people who have mental handicaps. This line of insults cut deep because they not only called out my looks but also questioned my intelligence. It was too much to handle.
So as much as possible, I try to stay in pants. I would rather go out in public with no bra on than be seen in shorts. In fact, the first several times I drove my roommate to the store in shorts, I put a pair of pants into my purse, just in case we had car trouble and had to deal with a wrecker or anyone else.
After I realized how much easier it was to handle the van while wearing shorts, I decided to stop bringing the pants. If I break down, I break down. Whomever offers assistance will either have to deal with it or just move on.
The second event happened on Monday when I was dealing with the long ass wait in line. I left the house with my hair in a ponytail. Not one of those cute ones that looks so well done and perky. No, this was messy, crooked, and halfassed. It was also deeply comfortable, because it kept my hair both off my neck and out of my face.
As I was in line, part of my mind started reminding me that I should take my hair down from the ponytail so that I would look presentable. But then I realized . . . there was no point in doing that because A. it would make me hot and what little breeze there was would keep blowing my hair in my face and B. no one really noticed or gave a fuck what my hair looked like.
See, one of the advantages of being a fat woman is that most people view you as ugly. I realize that sounds like a disadvantage, and it most certainly can be, but like any disadvantage, there is always a perk. In this case, the perk is that 'if people think I am ugly no matter what I do, and until I reach some acceptable weight nothing else I do will change their mind . . . I really do not HAVE TO do anything else.'
To anyone who thinks fat woman=ugly woman, it does NOT matter if your hair is in a messy ponytail. They're not going to think MORE favorably of you if your hair is down. You'll just be an ugly fat woman with her hair down . . . and in her face. As for everyone else, they would probably assume, correctly, that you kept your hair up because it's hot. They won't think less of you for it.
And really, even if they did, what does it matter? Making sure that you are as comfortable as you can be in all situations should always be one of your goals. There are, of course, some situations where that isn't possible. Many jobs have dress codes or uniforms. Certain businesses or organizations call for a certain level of dress as well. However, in your day to day life, it's best to consider what makes you the most comfortable far, above, and beyond what will make other people the most accepting of you.
Why? I think it comes down to lasting effect. Most people will only marginally notice details about you. Put simply, most of us are too busy to take a deep interest in what other people are wearing, unless of course this is what we do for a living or part of our religion. So . . why placate people who you may never see again or who won't even remember you five minutes from now over your own comfort, which you certainly will remember and will continue to affect the rest of your day?
Choose yourself. You'd be shocked at how happy this makes you.
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