There once was a woman,
Bitter and old
Who hated all children
Both shy and the bold
She hated their weeping
She hated their crying
She hated their stench
She hated their lying
But it was their parents
She hated the most
For their lack of discipline
And each selfish boast
It was the parents, after all
Who raised all these brats
When they could have dogs
Or some sensible cats.
Instead, they bred humans
Who ruined all public places
And for this the woman
Wished to slap parents' faces
When she met children
Who drew out her ire
She'd tell herself stories
So she didn't set them on fire.
Once there was a boy
Obsessed with all fireworks
He'd set them off for days
Like all careless jerks
He worked hard all June
So he could by a lot
The louder the better
Would please the little snot.
But when July arrived
The burn ban was county wide
And no fireworks
So the boy just cried.
Another child wanted
Ice cream from the truck
He saved all his pennies
Found some dimes, just his luck.
He ran to the truck
With its loud muzak played
And ordered a cone
Like the one on display
But before he could bite it
The cone slipped from his hand
And hit the dirty ground
Now, isn't that grand?!
One parent kept screaming
At her child's t-ball game
She'd threaten the coaches
And issued out blame.
One day she screamed
At a kid on first base
When the ball got hit wonky
And knocked her straight in the face.
Yes, the old woman's stories
Tended towards hurts
Disappointments for children
And parents' just desserts
She'd laugh at her evil
And snort at their plights
And snarl at firecrackers
Shot off way late at night.
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