Walking Confidence

When I took the trash out today, a truck drove by and I didn't even flinch. I was happy about this, but it made me realize how far I've come in terms of this walking thing. I know I've discussed my progress in terms of the physical side of it, but there have been emotional achievements as well.

If you've ever wondered why you don't see fat people even TRYING to exercise, I'll let you in on a little secret.  We do not like to do anything that even looks remotely like a work out in front of others. Why? Well, let's just say that years of evil gym coaches and shitty comments from others have made us rather shy about it. As much as people lurrve to make fun of fat people on most occasions, there is a special kind of venom reserved for any fat person who has the audacity to try and   participate in physical activity.

This may seem counterproductive to you, but it's really not.  Everyone acts like they want the fat people to lose weight, but deep down, for many there is also this fear that when they do, they themselves aren't as special. After all, no matter what else was going on in their lives, at least they were thin. Make too many people thin and it kind of ruins the benefits.  But I digress . . .

When I first started walking, I would not leave the house without my earbuds blaring music into my ears.  The idea of going outside and walking while subjecting myself to whatever random comments might happen was just terrifying to me.  I'm not even exaggerating here. If I heard children outside, it was all I could do to force myself out the door. Some days, I would have to sit there for like twenty minutes while I reminded myself that it was only comments (and possibly thrown rocks). Most of the time, I made it outside. A few days, I couldn't.

Then one day, I forgot to bring my music.

Okay, if this happened NOW, I would probably just walk back through the house and get it. At that point though, I didn't really have the stamina to handle retrieving the player AND walking.  So I went outside without it.  I have to tell you, I was so on edge when I did this, so worried someone would say something.  No one did, thankfully.  So far, no one has.

It's gotten to the point now where I can walk my driveway and not worry about commentary.  It might happen at some point. However, I'm not going to let that stop my walking. I'm not even worried about it anymore. If I hear the kids outside, I still panic a little, but no where near as bad as I did when I first started.

I have to admit though, sometimes my mind wonders what my neighbors are saying to each other when I walk. Do they see it as a nice bit of cheap entertainment? Do they go to their windows and snicker, maybe make whale comments or discuss how the driveway now has more cracks in it than it used to?

They might.

It's far more likely that they have their own lives and own involvements and couldn't care less what I was doing.