Renewal

Yesterday, I got a text from my brother.  He'd seen our former step-grandparents and they told him that our former stepfather had died. This is the evil dictator one we had when I was in fourth and fifth (into sixth) grade. He was a horrible person when I had to be around him. Today, my youngest cousin on my mom's side gave birth to her first child. Children are a rare event in my family and this was a cause for much celebration. I loved looking at the pictures of my cousin holding her new baby boy. The picture of my aunt holding him is one of the most beautiful images I've seen in many years.

My stepfather died two years ago, but I'm just finding out about it now. So even though he's been gone for a while, the link that my life shared with his (however unfortunate) has only recently been severed. I've not met the new baby in person, but the bond I have with him is already established through the love I have for my cousin, and the joy he is bringing to the people I care about.  One tie to my life is gone and a new one is created.

For many, many years I have held onto the anger and outrage I felt for my stepfather. I couldn't think about him without being angry. To be honest, my first reaction to him dying was relief. "Oh good. He's not around hurting other people." The thing is, the man is dead. Any anger or resentment or fear I had that connects to him some be things I let go of. They should be stones I drop out of my bucket so that I can continue on my journey. I've kept these burdens long enough. It's time to let them go.

As for the new baby, I am quite happy he is in the world. I'm happy for my cousin, who has always wanted to be a mother. I'm happy for my aunt and uncle, who love their grandchildren deeply and have suffered many loses over the last four or five years. They need more love in their lives. I wish this child every blessing and I hope his life is full and meaningful. Most of all, I hope he knows how much he is loved and wanted, because he truly, truly is.