Better vs Bitter

One of the things I see quite often when it comes to the success (or even social acceptance) of women is that they have to be better than men. They need to work harder. They need to go out of their way to get along with people. They need to ignore slights, ignore insults, ignore threats, and just keep a cool head no matter what the situation. Women need to try harder in the work force, in the world. Women need to look good and smell good and be pleasing to those around them.

What is often left out about this, however, is that even if you ARE better than the men around you, that doesn't really mean it will help you. It doesn't mean you'll be liked (sometimes it means you'll be hated more) and it doesn't mean you'll get the promotions or acknowledgement. If you try your hardest to look pretty or be pleasing to others, it doesn't mean you'll be treated better. If you display your talents and do everything you can to make your art, it doesn't mean you'll be respected. In fact, the shitty punchline at the end of 'doing better' is that often people accuse you of 'trying too hard.'

I've been seeing a lot of articles lately about how people don't trust women. My roommate and I talked about it and my response was 'whatever, I don't trust men.' And I don't. I know I have issues with men. I'm working on them, but you know, slowly and at my own pace because it's for my own edification and not for anyone else's.

Men don't trust women. Hell, women don't trust women. It sucks, yes. It most especially sucks when people don't take you seriously about your medical issues or whether or not someone is sexually harassing you at work. It's frustrating when you have to collect tons of proof before anyone will see your point. Sometimes, even if the other person in question is a child.

I don't know. Sometimes I believe the answer is the opposite of 'doing better.' Maybe the answer to happiness is just to let people know up front that you WILL be an unreliable, untrustworthy, lazy, selfish bitch. If they hang around, it's clearly because you have value in other ways, in other aspects of who you are. This means that despite the fact that you don't fit the 'good girl' or 'respectable woman' mold, you still have value as a person.

Am I an unreliable, selfish bitch? Oh god yes. I will never pretend NOT to be. Not from now on. Not when being seen as otherwise is so often used against me. Not when there isn't one damned thing I could do to prove it to some people other than to jump through hoop after hoop after hoop. I don't like jumping and I don't like hoops. If you want to be around me, be around me. If not, there is every direction in the world away from me.

People stay though, because they know there is more to me (to any woman, to any person) than the sum of how well they fit the mold. Staying is their option. I'll never beg or go out of my way to prevent them from leaving. And neither should you. Never beg someone to stay with you. Never alter who you are or what you do with your life to keep someone there, even if the stuff you're doing is destructive. If you want to change, change for you. After all, at the end of the day, you are the one person who never walks away.