Grey Rage

So I spent the day actively trying not to judge myself, others, or situations. I tried to do the Radical Acceptance thing and just let things flow along. How well did I do? How well do you think?

I think the best example of how well I did DOT do happened when I was driving home. It was raining. The rain was grey and heavy. The streets were grey. The sky was grey. Needless to say, visibility wasn't that great.  It wasn't raining so hard that I had to pull over or anything, but I did consider it a couple of times.

Anyway, there is this hill between here and small city. I can never remember the actual name of the hill, so I call it Whatthefuck Hill  and tend to rather hate it. And yes, this is one of the first points of me failing at judging things. After all, the hill is just a hill. Whatthefuck Hill  is not trying to go out of its way to cause me problems. It can't . . . because it's a hill.

However, it's also a long hill and a bit on the steep side. It always makes the van unhappy when we go up it. It's also always a pain because it is at the end of a speed trap town, so no one is ever going very fast. And because everyone was going so slow, by the time you get to Whatthefuck Hill, there is always a huge line of cars in front of you.

So today, I'm headed home and it's grey. I'm annoyed because it won't quit raining (as if the rain was doing this to piss me off. It wasn't. It's rain) and I am smack in the middle of the big line of cars headed up Whatthefuck Hill. And suddenly, as I'm trying to gain speed, the whole line comes to a halt because someone has to turn. This annoys me because I know it's going to mess with my speed gaining ability. As soon as the whole line starts moving again, we suddenly stop AGAIN because someone else has to turn.

And what comes out of my mouth?

"I HATE EVERYONE WHO LIVES ON WHATTHEFUCK HILL!"

I hate them. Because they decided to go home.

Yes, this is my logical, rational, nonjudgmental response to people who are just trying to go home. Sigh.

Of course, I know that no one who lives on Whatthefuck Hill was trying to ruin my day. I know they weren't trying to slow me down or do anything to me personally. They were just humans, going about their business. It's me who has the problem.

This trying not to judge thing is both enlightening and frustrating.