Winter is winding down. Given the fact that I've had to drive (BY MYSELF) in the snow twice, you'd think I'd be happy about this. I'm not. Spring is always really stressful for me. Bad things happen. Actually, in some cases, traumatic things happen. I'm not looking forward to it. At the very least, Spring will bring allergies, bugs, and lawn mowing. At the worst, it will bring car problems and cancer, like it did the last two years. I just don't know that I have it in me to handle the stress of it.
Okay, yes. I do have it in me to handle it. I think. I'm really not sure. The PTSD from last year is still pretty strong. I have a doctor's appointment in Tulsa next month and I'm already dreading the possible panic attack this will cause. I'm trying not to obsess about it, but I am afraid I will.
My depression is really strong right now. I've been taking my meds, but sometimes it's more extreme that others. Right now, it's pretty rough. I'm in one of those places where I feel I'm just kind of enduring life. I'm not really enjoying it much. I don't see much hope in it. I'm just enduring and I know I need more than that. And I don't mean more responsibility or obligations. I need something to desire. I need something to inspire me. I need something to fill me instead of things that drain me.
As I said, it could just be the depression talking.
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