Day after tomorrow, I have to go to Tulsa Cancer Center again for another follow up appointment. I don't want to go. I never want to go. I just want to stay home and assume the cancer is still in remission and everything is okay. In fact, I'm pretty sure that will be the case. It isn't even what I'm worried about.
I just don't want to be naked in front of people. I don't want them touching me. I really truly hate that.
In fact, it occurred to me the other day that as an adult, I've done just about as much as one person can do in order to make themselves not appealing sexually or romantically. This didn't depress me. It amused me and made me feel safe.
And yes, that bespeaks to a lot of underlying issues. But I'm not in therapy for nothing.
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