Satisfaction

The first time I read Carson McCullers' The Heart is a Lonely Hunter, the ending of it kind of broke me. But when I thought about it, given the setup of the story, given the worldview she was presenting, it ended the only way it could. The conclusion of the story stung my heart but left me feeling emotionally and logically satisfied. 

I finished a fic last night. The author worked on it for two years. The main character is a Patrick Bateman-level asshole in his original state. The author put him through worse than the original version. They gave reasons for why he was as he was, and gave reasons for all of his awful deeds. And yet, they also refused to allow him to remain emotionally stagnant. During the story, which takes place over almost 200 years, we watched as he grew. Sometimes his growth was beneficial to him and others, sometimes it wasn't. 

During the last section of the story, he finally falls in love. As many of us do, he falls in love with someone who seemed to be the wrong person (different side of a philosophical, cultural, and sometimes, ACTUAL war), but actually was completely the correct person. They approached the relationship on equal footing and could rely on one another in ways they couldn't with anyone else. 

This love doesn't transform him into a better person, but his lover does help to ground and center him enough to where he lets himself grow, lets himself get better, lets himself come to terms with some of his less savory behaviors, and decide if he wants to continue to be the person he is.

In the end, he loses everything. All of the wealth he's built over two centuries, all of his power, all of his station, and even his very first possession is lost. In mainstream media, I think the messaging would be that losing everything was worth it because he's found this other man to love and love conquers all.

But that isn't what happens here. There is a moment, near the end, when he sits with his lover and considers staying with him. But then he realizes that all of his other problems are still problems. Staying with him would put his lover in danger and threaten his own social standing as the leader of his people.

Instead of love conquering all in a childish and irresponsible way, love is allowed to transcend selfish desire. He accepts that the most loving thing he can do for this man is to leave. He will keep him out of danger that way. It hurts, but it's kind and responsible, and mature. 

I loved this ending. The story allowed the character to grow, to own his own damage (both what was done to him and what he did to others), and it gives him a chance in the end to make the right choice. He makes it. It IS a choice made for love, but love in an unselfish way. It's a beautiful ending.