Saturday, July 2, 2011

An Answer to the Dreaded Question

Today, a friend posted a joke about the age old question women supposedly ask, "Does this dress make me look fat?" Oh, us women!  We're so silly and vain, and evil, always trying to trap the innocent menz.

So, I addressed this in a serious manner.  This was my reply:

Okay, TO BE FAIR, there are clothes that make perfectly thin people look heavier, depending on the cut of the clothing or the fabric. Some colors or patterns add the appearance of bulk as well.

I would never ask someone this question (because in my case, it IS the fat making me look fat), but I would ask them if the outfit was flattering or no. Sometimes people can't tell, especially from some angles.

And sometimes people just lack self awareness. Having been fat most of my life, I have a pretty good idea of the things to avoid.

1. Any color that will remind people of something round they can comment on (orange=look at the big pumpkin bitch! red=attack of
the killer tomatoes bitch yellow=look! It's a school bus!)

2. Anything that shows too much skin is always a bad idea. Also, anything cut to potentially show skin. No one wants to be the fat person who accidentally shows their belly or whatever. People mock.

3. Anything that promotes people viewing vast expanses. If you have a wide ass, buy shirts long enough to cover it. Everyone knows you still have a wide ass, but it seems a little less wide.

I get that men see this as a trap question. I also know that for some women, it is. However, in other cases, people just really want to know if they're going to be mocked when they leave the house.

We live in a culture that doesn't TEACH people how to work with what they have, but at the same time, we act like anyone who isn't looking up to par should be stoned to death or something. All of this adds up to one of the many reasons I don't leave the house.

No comments:

Post a Comment