Saturday was my Mom's birthday. She would have been 57. Wow, that really seems young, doesn't it? She never thought she would make it past 40. I think all of my life she talked about that. She was really shocked when she did make it to 40. Hell, she even made it 14 years past it.
Though, I have to wonder if those 14 years past it were worth it to her. With the exception of my nephew being born, most of her life past 40 was filled with conflict and strife and disappointments. There was a lot of hard, hard work. There was a lot of fear. She bought herself more years, but not a lot more quality of life. That's really sad.
Amy Winehouse died today. A lot of people are talking about what a tragedy it is, but I see it as a mercy. Amy died at 27. Her life was a tortured mess. People keep talking about how things would have been better if she got sober. I'm not sure they would have. Whatever troubles drove her to substance abuse were probably deep and very hurtful. And if she got clean, then what? Her reputation was destroyed. She'd messed up so much stuff.
All of the sudden she'd wake up to sobriety and find her whole world was in a mess and she had to clean it up. And she wouldn't be able to do so and still self-medicate. This would be torture. So, rest well, Amy. I hope you find peace.
I also hope the families and friends who lost people in Norway this week find some level of peace and comfort. I know it won't be easy. What happened was beyond words. As for the dude who did this, fuck you. Most of the time I'll just limit it to crazy, angry people shouldn't get to have relationships. For you, I'll go so far as to say crazy angry people shouldn't be allowed anywhere near others.
What a black mood I am in! I guess it can't be helped tonight. It just can't be helped.
I'll leave you with a question though. If Death came to you back a decade ago and showed you where you would be now, would you have let yourself live or just opted out and left with Death?
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