For some perverse reason, I'm totally obsessed with articles about online dating. I don't want to online date, of course. I get why people do, or why they go in there with hearts overflowing with hope, but it's not for me. Still, I love reading articles about it because online dating is providing some interesting wisdom to how life really works.
For instance, this article from Gizmodo about how men respond to pictures of women and how the ratings of said pictures affect the level of attention the woman will receive. The analysis was done with Okcupid data from their rating systems and some of their clients (who agreed to allow themselves to be used as examples).
OkCupid has a 1-5 rating, which gets averaged for an overall ranking. So, typically, most people will have an average somewhere in the 3's. People with higher 3's were studied for the purposes of the article, as this is usually where most normal people will fall.
The thing is, as the study pointed out, there are two basic ways to get an average rating. You can achieve this by having many people mark you as a 3, with some 2 and 4 rankings. You can also get a ranking of three if a lot of people mark you very high (many 4 and 5 rankings) while at the same time, receiving many lower rankings (twos and ones).
Now, if you take two women with very close ranks, say 3.4 and 3.5, if 3.4 woman got there by a lot of polarized votes (many high ones, but also many low ones), she will average a lot more communication from men than will the woman who gained her rank with many people giving her average ratings.
In fact, the study found you were better off having men think you were ugly (so long as others thought you were hot) than you were if everyone just thought you were cute. The article theorized that women with more men finding them favorable, but not remarkable, were seen as having far more competition. Where the women who some found as beautiful but others (in some cases, many others) found as undesirable, were viewed as having less competition and therefore, a better risk.
So in the end, the article suggests that as much as it's a good idea to play up your good features, don't downplay your flaws. In fact, emphasize them as much as you do your best features.
If you have tatts (a turn off for many men), show them in the picture (within reason). If you have a big nose, photograph yourself from the angle that shows your nose in all of its glory. If you're fat, don't take a very close up picture like some Blackhaired Barbies do, back that camera up and show your girth. Will most people like it? NO! But you're not looking for most people, you're looking for the ones who will like YOU.
To be honest, I found this article to be refreshing. Of all the things that our culture seems to be trying to homogenize, female beauty is one of the most endangered. This article shows that people still aren't interested in cookie cutter people. Being common and reasonably pleasing may earn you a ranking of "average cute," but it isn't going to get you very far.
All of us have things that make us unique. As much as I harp on everyone not basking in how they are the special little snowflake, there are times when your special snowflakiness is very important. One of those times is when it comes to love, love from others and also love from yourself. So yes, bask in your flawed little crooked snowflake shape.
Chances are, someone else wants to bask with you.
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