As my attention span is 0% tonight, I thought I would test out something I found a while back. It is a random blog post generator. It can be found here. These things often have a level of fuckuppery to them, so this should be interesting.
AND my blog topic is............ FOUR THINGS THAT ANNOY ME ABOUT DORIS DAY.
What the fuck?
Okay, here it goes.
So Doris Day was this woman who made movies during the 50s and 60s. She probably made them more than just then, but that is when most of them were done and I'm being to lazy to get actual dates. I'm rather right about that though. I think. I suspect that Dolores Umbridge probably had a picture of Doris Day on her desk . . . you know, along with all those scary pictures of cats and things.
I can not believe I'm writing this.
Anyway, so the first thing that annoys me about Doris Day is that she has a movie career in the first place. Not that I'm upset about the woman having success, it's just that she did this series of schmaltzy romantic comedies that usually had that kind of "I am SO annoyed with this person but we say witty things to each other and something confusing happens and WOW WE'RE IN LOVE." Good god that annoys me. I'm not really into romantic movies anyway, but when I am into them, they involve beautiful pale people who where dark gothic clothes and epic things happen and at the end, everyone dies. People usually don't die in Doris Day's movies . . . you just wish they would.
Of course, it's kind of ironic that she did romantic movies, given the fact of the second thing that annoys me about Doris Day. The woman is the opposite of sexy. Admittedly, this might be a matter of personal preference. I never find people who act all proper, prim, and pure to be sexy. I tend to assume they have Barbie doll crotches that just freeze off the genitals of others when they are shown. Yes, see, I can totally see that happening in one of Doris's movies.
Male Love Interest: Doris, let me see your kitty.
Doris: Okay. TeeHee. *pulls up skirt*
Male Love Interest: I feel this sudden cold in my.....NO!!!
And then the movie is canceled because he died.
The third thing that annoys me about Doris Day is her voice. When Doris sings, certain things come to mind . . . like . . . oatmeal . . . and beige . . . and cornflakes without sugar . . . or maybe with too much sugar. Doris always did songs that were somehow both bland and cheesy all at the same time. They usually exuded positiveness and spunkiness and meh. If you've never heard one of her songs, you could Youtube them . . . or you could just imagine listening to elevator music while you drank a slushy so fast it gave you brain freeze.
Finally, the fourth thing I hate about Doris Day is the fact that, even though she annoys the holy piss out of me, I think I've seen all her movies. Or most of them. Three or four. Okay, enough of them. They all contained her plastic blonde hair and her plastic blonde smile and her plastic blonde purity. In all of them, you are expected to root for her and hope she gets whatever guy is being forced to pretend to love her. You watch as she makes witty banter with him and comes to her senses to realize what she most wants in the world is for him to be a part of her plastic blonde life.
Bleck.
. . . okay, so I did the post. This was actually a lot of fun. And no, I really don't hate Doris Day that much. Some, but not much. Still, I had to do what the randomness told me to do. I even feel some catharsis now.
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