Safe as Houses

The house I live in now is the house my grandparents bought when they were seeking safety after my grandmother was almost shot by people in our area. Moving to this town wasn't a decision they made out of wanting to. It was a decision they made because they HAD to. The house wasn't perfect, but it wasn't expensive either. It had two places for gardens, which made my grandparents happy because they loved to garden. It also had a nice workshop building where my grandfather could keep all of his tools.

The first time I walked into this house, I felt this total relief. It was a safe place. It was far away from the people who wanted to hurt us. It was good. No matter what other craziness might happen in my life, I knew this house, the new home of my grandparents, would always be a place of security.

When I was in sixth grade, my mother left Husband #3 and we moved back in with my grandparents. The combination of being in middle school and being away from that step-father was so wonderful. This house was my place of celebration. I would sit in my bedroom and listen to the radio. It was the 80's and music was my world at that time. Well, still is, really. My room was my haven and despite all the tension between my grandparents and my mother, I found a lot of happiness in my small space in this house.

When I was a freshman in high school, my mother and I had a parting of the ways over Husband #4. My grandparents let me move in here with them and I knew it was forever. Again, this house, this space, was my shelter. There was a lot of tension between me and my grandparents. Everyone was rather crazy after all the stuff my mother had put us through. Wounded. Most nights, I would stay in my room to escape. I would talk on the phone or read or listen to music or just day dream away.

This house has been a part of me since I was in third grade. I kissed the person I loved the most (at the time) here. I found out about my scholarships here. I held my grandmother's hand as she died here. This house has been, for most of my life, a very large part of me.

This house is old. It's broken in a lot of ways. It can make me really nervous when I worry about what will screw up next. It can be damned difficult to handle at times. It's also the safest place I have ever been. It's the most consistent thing in my life. And it's comfortable. I'm thankful for what this house has given me over the years. I'm not sure where I would be had they not found it.