For many years, my participation at family gatherings was minimal. I would come in, hug people, and then sit down as quickly as possible so I could catch my breath. I would sit in the living room on the farthest edge of the couch. I did this so that I wasn't in anyone's way. Of course, this meant I was isolated from the conversation in the kitchen. I would really only speak to people when they walked through the living room. Someone had to get my plate of food for me.
I was never okay with this. I wanted to be a part of the conversation. I wanted to interact with people. I wanted to be able to depend on myself for my own food and my own stuff. I just couldn't. I didn't have the strength or the mental calmness to handle it.
This year . . . well, you know the changes I've been working on this year. I wanted to actually try and change up how this gathering would go for me. So instead of just going to the farthest point on the couch, I took a seat in the kitchen. I talked to people. I interacted with them. I teased them. I held my niece. I helped to set the table.
Mind you, this didn't last for the whole time I was over there. After a while, I found myself back in the living room. It took a while though. For the first several hours I was there, I was participating. I was laughing and talking. I was making memories about the holidays being something besides sitting on a couch. And for that I am very thankful.
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