Just to Clarify

Today, again, for like the billionth time, I had someone tell me that the aim of feminism is to make women feel bad about wanting to stay home and be mothers. And again, for the billionth time, I wondered what the fuck planet they were on. Don't get me wrong; I know there are plenty of people out there who decry housewives. They are plenty of television shows that make housewifery seem like drudgery and pain. But this thing about feminists trying to make you feel bad for being a housewife? Okay, I have two things to say about that.

The first thing is this . . . people are supercritical of women in our society. No matter what you do or don't do, no matter what path you take, people are going to be judging you on it. They are going to bitch. They are going to complain. If you choose to work and have no kids, people say you are cold and heartless. If you choose to be a working mom, people say you're not devoting enough time to either one or the other. If you stay at home and raise your kids, people will say you're wasting your potential. If you choose to have no kids, people say you are selfish. It's not just feminists. It's not just people who follow a traditional path. It's damn near almost everyone, because damn near almost everyone thinks they have the RIGHT to make comment about what we womenfolk do with our lives and time.

The second thing . . . do what makes you happy and ignore the naysayers. If you truly want to be a housewife and a stay at home mom, awesome. If you want to work and take care of your family too, awesome. If you want to be a single parent, awesome. If you want to not have any kids at all, awesome. Choose whatever of these makes you happy. Or hell, choose them all in some random order. Okay, not that random. It's kind of hard to have kids and then NOT have them later on without some kind of felony involved, but you know what I mean.

The point is, it doesn't matter what some other philosophy says. This is your life. Consider the options, think about what is best for you, look at your goals, and make the choices that best suit YOU. For some of us, that will mean having kids. And for those who were meant to be parents, I truly do believe that your kids bring you joy and meaning and fulfillment. That is awesome and lovely and ignore anyone who tries to question it. For the rest of us who opt NOT to make that a part of our lives, don't think we're dissing you for your choices. We're just following the path we knew was best for us.

I have known for the majority of my adult life that I didn't want children. I don't relate to them, I get bored with them, and I really enjoy life on my terms. I also know that I am very, very blessed in this mindset, as I have some complications with my body that would make having kids next to impossible. I was spared a lot of emotional pain and I am grateful for that. But when I say that having children and being in the house with them all day sounds worse than having someone shove needles in my eyes during a Nickelback concert, THAT DOES NOT MEAN I am thinking bad thoughts about you because you don't see it that way.

And you know what? We have feminism to thank for the fact that you can choose your path and I can choose mine. You're not forced to marry some dude who didn't want kids and I'm not forced to marry some dude who did. Before women had rights, we would have been stuck doing whatever it was that our husbands wanted . . . and we certainly would have had very little choice about having husbands at all. You stay at home mamas may have been forced to work anyway (because women have always worked) if your husband wasn't making enough money or died or just walked off and left you. And trust me, your job options would have been very limited and crappy.

So let's just be joyful we have more options these days and respect each other's choices. The choices are a blessing. Let's not muddy that blessing by criticizing each other about what everyone chose.