The New Running Lie

So every once in a while, I come up with this new running joke that I'll keep going for as long as possible . . . or until I forget I was doing it. Usually, I just forget. The joke is usually just some line of bullshit that is based on an outrageous lie that is clearly not true about me. Or, at least, not the complete truth.

My latest running joke is about my philosophy of modesty. Now, this isn't completely untrue. I am a rather modest person when it comes to how I dress and my behavior. BUT. . . yeah, see I'm not dressing modestly because I feel that I need to be a sweet virtuous woman who doesn't expose skin. I dress modestly because I'm fat and no one should have to look at my skin if they can help it. But still, the modesty thing applies.

It's also allowed me to come up with some new and fun excuses for things.

Question: Why did you never have children?

BHB: My modesty prevents me from having children. To have a child, I would have to commit many immodest acts. I would have to have sex with a man, which is a violation of my modesty, and then allow a child to be born . . . which would involve said child touching my vagina, which is clearly an immodest thing.

Question: Why are you so fat?

BHB: My modesty is the reason for my fatness. Were I at a healthy weight, I would be attractive and people might look at me in a lustful manner. Clearly, this would be immodest.

See, when people ask you personal questions that are really none of their business, you can tell them it's none of their business . . . or you can answer them with something that just baffles them for a bit. Modesty is my new baffle toy.

Though, I don't want people to think that I have something against modest folk. I certainly don't. I believe that if you live modestly and are doing so of your own free will, that's awesome. I'm right there with you, but of course I think I was a Shaker in a former life, so that shouldn't be surprising.