Things went as I hoped at the doctor's today and the process has began about getting the lipoma removed. I'm happy that's started, but I have to admit that I'm scared. This is bringing in so many of my fears. I have to meet people. I have to deal with medical stuff. There will be shots and knives. I may face some rejection and danger. It could go badly.
On the other hand, if all goes well, I'll be rid of something that has made my life difficult for a long time now. The lipoma on my arm is something people notice. It can cause me a great deal of pain. It keeps me from doing certain things with as much ease as I would otherwise have. It needs to go.
The main thing I need to do now is just try to separate my ego from this process. I can't think about what others may be thinking of me. I can't obsess about how hard this process might be. I can't think about the pain or complications or anything like that. I just need to let go and allow myself to go through the motions, be as detached from it as possible and simply allow it to happen.
This isn't the normal way I would do something. I've struggled for years to try and attach back to the physical moment because I know I have a tendency to stay as detached as possible. It's different when it's something like this though. If I think about it too much, it's just going to drive me bonkers. It's best just to allow it to happen around me and not be IN the moment. I don't think most people want to be IN the moment of surgery anyway.
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