The Frustrating Thing about Humans

I read today where religious leaders of a certain country were so upset by the handsomeness of men who were attending a function in said country, that they made them LEAVE the country in order to keep the women from having lustful thoughts about them. I just . . .wow. Talk about control issues.

You know, in the wake of something like what happened in Boston, I find myself remembering that the most frustrating thing about being human is that you have no control over the other humans. The other humans have their own ideas, their own methods of handling things, their own desires, and their own wishes. In some cases, the fact that they have all of this stuff on their own can become very dangerous to the rest of us. In other cases, the fact that we have our own can become dangerous to them.

The simple fact of the matter is, we can't control the other humans. Any of them. If you think you have control over another human, you don't. They, for whatever reason, are choosing to follow your lead. But it is their choice. There is always an option out of it, even if that option is drastic.

When I was a teenager . . . and a wee bit into my early 20s . . . there was someone that I thought I was in love with. He didn't love me back. I wasted a lot of time trying to alter this situation. And it was a waste of time. If someone doesn't love you, nothing you do or say is going to change that. There is no logic or reason or trickery that will alter the situation. They don't feel it and the best thing for you to do is move on. I'm glad I know that now, but it did take a while.

I also realize that the biggest problem with trying to control other humans is that it's pretty useless. We can set boundaries for ourselves. We can protect ourselves (as much as we can). We can say what we will and will not allow to be in OUR lives. Past that, the choices really belong to the other humans. If they want to respect our boundaries, we'll get along. If they don't . . . there will be trouble.

It's also a waste of energy to try and control others. There is so much we need to do to focus on ourselves. There are things we need to heal, things we need to learn, and moments of quiet we need to have in order to rest our souls. If we don't concentrate on this stuff, we'll wear ourselves out.

The people who bombed the marathon clearly wanted to control something. They wanted to change something or have us look at something or whatever. Unless their goal was just to hurt a bunch of people and piss other people off, they failed. Terror only gives you power if you have the upper hand to begin with. Otherwise, you're just setting yourself up to lose.

Right now, a lot of people, and admittedly, myself included, want to control all of those people who think it's okay to bomb places. We want them stopped so that their actions can no longer put us in the position of feeling so unsafe. The thing is, controlling those people won't make us feel safe. Even if we kill them, it won't make us feel safe. Safety is something we have to foster in ourselves. And as long as we obsess about the people who put us in danger, there is no way we can find that security.