How The Others Live

I was reading about this guy who spent time interviewing successful romantic couples about what makes their relationships work. His research is interesting, but I was frustrated that he only applied it to romantic couples.  I think that a lot of it applies to any long term relationship one has, including and especially ones where you happen to live with the other person.  While long term relationships based on romantic love may be the default for many people in our society, they are far from the only long term relationships out there. Many family members and friends opt to set up home with each other.  There may not be sex involved or any type of other physical contact, but the commitment levels and many of the issues stay the same.

I don't really see a lot of things being written about long term non-romantic relationships though.  People talk about romantic stuff all the time, but never the other kinds of relationships one might encounter during their lives. Is it that we place such a high value on romantic/marriage situations that all other relationships of a long term nature get ignored? Do we feel those relationships have less value?

Actually, I know the answer to that. In the minds of most people, long term non-romantic relationships DO have less value than romantic ones. Many people view their non-romantic relationships as just the relationships that sustain them until they find someone who 'loves' them. People who never find that kind of romantic love are often viewed as failures. They sometimes even view themselves as failures and therefore place no real effort in making the relationships they have NOW and the living situation they have NOW the best it can be.

Perhaps that is changing though. Less and less people are marrying these days, and while some of those people may choose to live alone, I doubt all of them do. More and more people are planning their lives around the idea that they will never marry . . . not just because they don't feel they will find that Special Person, but also because many of them don't see that as any kind of priority in their lives. It is too much work and effort.

Of course, if you read the blog, you know that I am one of these people. For many reasons, marriage was not a path for me. Instead, I live what on the surface does not appear to be an alternative lifestyle, but is when you dig a little deeper. I live with a man I have no romantic or sexual interest in/contact with. We are friends only, though friends committed to building a life together, with shared goals and interests. I don't see my sense of HOME as being something I will have in the future with a romantic partner. I don't see FAMILY as something I will have in the future with a romantic partner. I view home as what I have right now and family as what I have right now, things built around friends and cats.

With that in mind, and for all the people out there who are also in non-romantic long term relationships, I think maybe it's time we started speaking out about what motivates us and what makes our lives work. After all, there are many of us and will continue to be many of us in the future. We should share our ideas.