People write a lot about ways to improve your health. I certainly do as well, though I never thought that would be a big topic for me. When it comes to talking to doctors and other medical professionals, I believe that communication is key. Of course, this isn't a new idea on my part. Lots of people talk about this. They emphasize making lists and asking questions, that kind of thing. Both of these are great suggestions. However, I believe that discussing the true reality of your situation is even more important.
I think part of the problem is how education has conditioned a lot of us to react around authority figures. When we were in school and we got something wrong, we were penalized for it. Very few teachers took the time to identify why we got things wrong and how to correct it. In many cases, instead of truly learning whatever it was, we figured out some kind of way to fake it. This did not truly alter the fact that we had not mastered the skill, but it gave the illusion that we had. Humans are very good about accepting illusions as reality.
As bad as this is when it comes to the holes in our education, it is even worse when we apply it to other aspects of our lives. When we apply this to our health, it could prove deadly.
I am speaking from experience here. It has taken me 40 years to get to the point where I can tell my doctor or my therapist "this is how things are going wrong" and even now part of me hates it because I feel like I am being graded. I still want to believe that as long as I can give the illusion that things aren't falling apart then that illusion can be reality.
That isn't the case though. In the last month or so, I've learned just how much the 'ignore it and it will go away' answer will not work. I needed medical help to deal with my bleeding issues and I may need even more medical help before this is all over. The idea of this was making me very anxious. More medical assistance means meeting more doctors, more walking through buildings I don't know, more chances to fail fail fail. This morning, that anxiety reached a tipping point. I was not in a good place about it. I told my roommate I was feeling anxious, but I couldn't quite put why into words.
Once we were at Walmart, I sat in the parking lot and thought about it. I realized the anxiety was coming from this idea of failing, from the breaking of illusions, and of all the unknowns out there that I might have to face in order to get things happening to fix my womb. I started talking myself down from the panic, reminding myself of, well, basically what I'm writing about here. This isn't something where I'm getting a grade. I don't get rewarded for everything being okay and things certainly will NOT be okay if I can just make it look like they are.
After that, I pinpointed some places where I could take control of the situation. I took those steps (or rather, that one step) and things seem less sketchy now. Will it be easy to face new doctors, show them my business, and see about getting this stuff under control. NO. No it will not. It will be frightening and humiliating and awful. But once it is all of these things, it will also be over. It should even be better. It's something to hope for.
That isn't the case though. In the last month or so, I've learned just how much the 'ignore it and it will go away' answer will not work. I needed medical help to deal with my bleeding issues and I may need even more medical help before this is all over. The idea of this was making me very anxious. More medical assistance means meeting more doctors, more walking through buildings I don't know, more chances to fail fail fail. This morning, that anxiety reached a tipping point. I was not in a good place about it. I told my roommate I was feeling anxious, but I couldn't quite put why into words.
Once we were at Walmart, I sat in the parking lot and thought about it. I realized the anxiety was coming from this idea of failing, from the breaking of illusions, and of all the unknowns out there that I might have to face in order to get things happening to fix my womb. I started talking myself down from the panic, reminding myself of, well, basically what I'm writing about here. This isn't something where I'm getting a grade. I don't get rewarded for everything being okay and things certainly will NOT be okay if I can just make it look like they are.
After that, I pinpointed some places where I could take control of the situation. I took those steps (or rather, that one step) and things seem less sketchy now. Will it be easy to face new doctors, show them my business, and see about getting this stuff under control. NO. No it will not. It will be frightening and humiliating and awful. But once it is all of these things, it will also be over. It should even be better. It's something to hope for.
No comments:
Post a Comment