The weather continues to be evil. I saw some meme that said "Satan called. He wants his weather back." I think it's pretty fitting. It's nasty outside. It's not all that better inside, even with the AC on. Sleep is pretty difficult right now. We keep trying different fan configurations, but nothing is keeping me completely rested all night.
I'm not sure if it's the lack of sleep or just baby blues after finishing the book, but I've been in a pretty staggering level of depression the last few days. It's the kind that crushes me when I'm by myself and sucks the joy out of everything. It's been really painful and I hope it's on its way to fading. If not, it's going to be one long-ass summer.
When I'm depressed to this extent, it's like swimming in the ocean and finding nothing to grab onto. It's just this endless struggle of knowing you have to keep swimming but finding no justification for doing so. You see no land ahead of you. You see no boats to pull you in. Literally, there is nothing going on but the meaningless struggle, just aching, exhausting swimming for no purpose.
I understand that this is how depression works. I know that it greys out all the bright spots. In a rational way, I see the patterns. That certainly doesn't make them any easier to handle and really doesn't make them less believable. I looked at my journal the last couple of years and I know I was depressed during the summer then as well. Maybe it is just the heat and the lack of sleep. It's really hard to find a reason to be happy when you're constantly damp.
At some point, I really need to move to somewhere cold.
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