One of the more validating aspects of people being more forthcoming with issues of mental or physical illness is a discussion about the difficulties (and sometimes impossibilities) of self-care. When you're ill, you are almost always exhausted. Healing is exhausting. When you're like this, tending to your basic needs can be challenging. Some people lack the ability to cook for themselves. Houses don't get cleaned. Bodies also don't get cleaned and as taboo as this can sometimes be to talk about, it does need to be talked about.
After the fall, I really didn't trust my balance or strength to try to shower. We don't have a bathroom really equipped for handicapped people. I have to use my arms a lot to ensure stablity as I'm getting in and out of it. With my right arm out of commission, I knew I would be risking other falls until I could get some healing. Until then, I would clean myself up as best I could without showering.
Today, I decided to try it. My arm isn't fully healed, but I knew the movements that still cause intense pain wouldn't be involved in a shower. I managed to survive, although I had quite a few challenges, including a cat that decided she needed to sit on the side of the tub and supervise me.
When I finished, I was deeply exhausted. Not as bad as I was a few years back when I would have to shower in the midst of all the bloodhell, but almost that much. It wasn't more than I could handle, but it was close.
HOWEVER, I'm glad I did. I'm glad I'm clean again. I feel more normal than I have in a while. So yay! This is progress.
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