Today my roommate and I talked about the guilt people often have about their own existence. I know for people with good self-esteem and parents who raised you with love, that may sound odd. However, for a lot of the rest of us, this is something we feel every single day. You feel guilty about wanting better for yourself. You feel shame for having dirty clothes or a period. You feel shame for, well, like I said, existing.
It means you won't do certain things for yourself, like seek medical treatment or take care of yourself or ask for help when you really need it. It means you will stay in bad relationships, bad jobs, and bad situations because you feel you don't deserve better.
People always ask those who have been abused why they stayed so long. I don't think they take into consideration that abusers target people who have mentally broken already, or, at least, on the verge of breaking.
I sometimes wonder how many things in my life have slipped through my fingers just because I assumed I didn't deserve them. And the crazy thing is, I probably have better self-esteem than a lot of people. I fought for what little I have, you know. I had to, given that my mother and her husbands did everything they could to make sure I never had any.
Hahahah. Grammarly is trying to get me to correct 'husbands.' Sorry, app. You need to accept that some people are married more than once.
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