P . . . as in Paranoia.
As you all know, I play this gentle and relaxing MMO called Glitch. I love it and tend to enjoy the peoples on it and have a grand old time. Most of my days are spent mining/gathering and making my little speck of land happy and productive.
And on my little journeys through the lands of Ur, I encounter people and sometimes we talk, sometimes we share things, sometimes I make fun little comments. For instance, the other day, I saw some little gothed out glitch named "Robert Smith." My little glitch hopped over to him and said, "I never thought I would get to meet you. You're such a huge influence in my life. 'The Same Deep Water as You' is one of the most beautiful songs ever written." Then I hopped away before he could comment.
My little glitch is cute and she dresses neat. Between that, the constant hopping, and the fact that I make interesting comments, I've started to amass friends. Even male friends. And therein lies the problem.
If you read this blog, then you know I have this really twisty dark screwed up disturbing mental thing with Teh Menz. I like them, but only kind of in theory and usually want them far away from me . . . except when I don't. At the same time, I fear them, but most often only in theory because usually in practice I'm fine with them provided the circumstances are neutral, I'm not caught off guard, and my meds are working.
If none of that makes any sense, it's okay. It honestly doesn't make any sense to me.
Anyway, so there is this person who has a male avatar on glitch. I met him back about a few weeks ago and engaged in some harmless flirting. We talked for about ten minutes before my fear got the best of me and my glitch claimed she had crops ready or something and hopped away into hiding. And when then guy friended me, I was mentally more stable and didn't think about it, so I friended him back.
Anyway, so I've avoided him ever since until today, when I kind of couldn't. We started talking and he wanted to meet up with me in one of the areas. I will now type all of the paranoia that shot into my brain at once. Feel free to read this in whatever voice you wish.
WHY DOES HE WANT TO SEE YOU? CAN HE HACK YOUR SYSTEM?
HIS GAME NAME IS REALLY GENERIC! HE'S SOME RUSSIAN MAFIA HACKER WHO IS TRYING TO GET INTO PEOPLE'S ACCOUNTS. OH GOD, DON'T TELL HIM YOU LIVE IN A FLYOVER STATE! HE'LL FIGURE OUT WHICH ONE AND SHOW UP AND BURN DOWN YOUR HOUSE!WHY IS HE STILL TALKING TO YOU? HE PROBABLY HAS SOME PROGRAM THAT IS HACKING THROUGH YOUR HOME FILES AT THIS VERY MOMENT! HE WILL DESTROY YOU AND ALL YOU HOLD DEAR!!!!!
Yes, yes....this and plenty more is what my brain was screaming at me as I talked to this guy.
Now, I'm not saying you shouldn't have a healthy level of wariness when talking to unknown people. We all know bad things can and do happen to people all the time. You should trust your instincts when it comes to others.
The thing is, I know this wasn't my instincts. This was my full scale paranoia and fear of all things penis that kicked in. This was the nervous part of my mind that always assumes the worst and then makes up even worse than that.
Want to know how bad this can get? After I stopped talking to him, I hid my glitch in her house for hours. I considered blocking him. I even considered stopping the game. And not because of this specific boy, but because ZOMGMENZTALKEDTOME!
Thankfully, I'm in therapy and we're trying to help me work past this. I don't want to be afraid of the monsters lurking under my bed . . . or even the ones in my bed. Or, you know, the ones that might be in my bed, if I wasn't so fucking scared of them all the fucking time.
On a possibly unrelated note, later that night, my glitch did a lot of drugs and died. She came back, of course, but she did die after doing copious amounts of the Glitch version of meth.
I live such a twisty little life . . .
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