The Lost Art of Charm

So Lifehacker did an article about things that you should avoid saying in social situations. It discussed many phrases that people take the wrong way or get set off by, that probably can be worded differently to convey what you really mean.

I thought the article was good, but of course, as always, people had to start bitching about how everyone was overly-sensitive and how political correctness was so horrible.

Clue . . . if you often find yourself in the situation to feel that everyone is overly sensitive to what you say and that you offend people often, it honestly really isn't their level of sensitivity that is the problem. You're just an asshole.

Now, if you like being an asshole and enjoy having few friends, no dates, very little human contact, a job that doesn't depend on your personality, or any real want to be liked, that's fine. Ignore all suggestions of how you could reword what you are saying and try to improve.

However, if you feel frustrated by the fact that most everyone in the world dislikes you because of some jackassery that spewed forth from your mouth, you might just want to consider the option that it's not because everyone else has no sense of humor and is too sensitive and maybe learn ways to alter your behavior.

And yes, I realize that right now I'm being a sarcastic asshole. However, as someone with a background in communication, I also know that quite often, how we speak to and respond to others can make a huge difference in our relationships with them.  I don't see why people have a problem with this. It's just basic common sense. If you don't communicate in a pleasing way, no one wants to be around you. You can either change how you communicate or just stop caring if people like you.

There is also a level of survival skill to this. Most people, when you offend them, will just dislike you or complain at worse, work to try to get you fired or sue you at worst. However, sometimes, you say something offensive to the wrong person, such as the ones who have crazybrain and happen to own some guns. Next thing you know, you're dead.

So just as some basic suggestions:

If you see someone and your mouth wells up with all kinds of negative things, do not say them.

If you see someone and you have some joke welling up in your brain, think really hard before you say the joke . . . try and remember how successful most of your other jokes have been.

If you plan to say something funny or insulting to someone in authority over you, consider very carefully how this person may respond.

If you are in a romantic or/sexual relationship with this person or have been in the past and want to say something insulting or funny at their expense . . . just don't.  Be respectful of people you've been intimate with.

You know, people act like what they label as "being politically correct" is a new thing. It's not. For many, many years, it was called having social grace and good manners.  It meant you were polite and capable of carrying on a civilized conversation.  How, when, why did we lose that?

Some people believe the direct honest approach is best.  To be fair, I believe this to be true as well, in almost all cases.  I don't think you should lie to people, mostly because lies take way too much time to maintain and end up screwing you in the end. However, you can tell the truth but tell it charmingly.  Charm can get you very far.