Snow and Such

I woke up this morning to snow cheerfully and wetly coming down from an unforgiving sky. Bastard.  Actually, it wouldn't have been so bad if I didn't have to go out in it. Even then, it wasn't as horrible as my last "go to Ft. Smith for a dentist appointment in the fucking ice" adventure.  This was pretty mild compared to that.

It's cold as hell though. We've opted to leave the heaters on. I hate doing that, for many reasons, but it's just too damned cold otherwise. Hopefully this frigidness will go away soon.  Hmm, if I had a boyfriend, I bet he'd be saying that as well.

Something I've been working on for about four years now is finally coming together. I called the People Who Know Things and they were pretty positive about it. Well, I guess the best way to put it is that I've done everything I possibly can at this point. Now it's up to others.  I kind of totally hate the fact that it's out of my control, but there's also something freeing about that as well.

It's getting close to my birthday and that always makes me pretty evaluate-y.  I think this year I'm going to make a secret list.  The list is going to contain all the things I want changed in my life, all the ways in which things aren't to my liking or expectations.  Once I have the list in play, I'm going to start thinking of ways I can change things.

I'm going to keep it secret because I've found that a lot of the time, when you discuss such things, they never end up happening.  Also, a lot of the things on the list are kind of radical at first glance.  I don't think that, in the end, they will seem all that radical, because the way to get to my goals is going to involve a lot of small steps that point things in the direction I feel they need to go.  Once there, the things I want to be different will hopefully just fall into place.

More importantly, there are some things I think I need to let go of.  I've carried them around or been emotionally connected to them for too long. In some cases, I think they're actually stalling me or even hurting me.  It's time to make whatever peace I need to make, draw whatever conclusions I need to draw, and walk away . . . even if that's just in a symbolic sense.

Maybe that's what 38 should be. The Year of Letting Go. The Year of Walking Away. Hell, in some cases, I think if I would have let go of things 20 years ago, I wouldn't be in some of the emotional messes I'm in now. Oh well. We walk away when we can.

Hopefully I won't slip.