A Case of the Mondays

Today was crap. The thing I had to fill out for my renewal screwed up on one part and the site wouldn't let me change it. It was a vital little piece of information and now it's wrong. I called them to see if I could do something about it, but of course I couldn't. Now I'm worried that calling them was the wrong thing to do. Now I'm on their radar. I hate being on people's radars. The trip to take the information to the place we needed to take it was difficult. Dropping the stuff off is always disturbing because you never know if they'll lose part of the stuff you turned in. They did that last year. I ended up having to make extra copies of everything.

By the time we got to Walmart, I was a mess. I basically cried the whole time my roommate was shopping. It was just too much stress over this paperwork. Emotionally, I was done. I couldn't given anymore to the situation or really any situation. I had no more input. I had no more creativity. I had nothing. Everything was gone. I was out of spoons.

Things settled down into their usual little patterns. After a while, I could participate in life again, if only marginally. Back when gas was less expensive and I had access to a more reliable car, this was the kind of day where I just would have wanted to drive and drive, letting my mind focus on nothing other than road safety. I think if there is anything I resent about our current state of affairs, it's the price of gas. Driving was cheap therapy for people. It was wrong to take that away from us.

Then my internet went out and that sucked. My new form of cheap therapy was taken from me. My roommate usually winds down in the evening by playing games and he didn't get to do much of that. He went through the same hell that I did today and he certainly deserved the wind down. Instead we spent the later hours of the night staring resentfully at the modem. Clearly, it eventually returned, but it took a long while.

I always hate it when people make blithe comments about the things people should do INSTEAD of being online. "Go outside." "Read a book" "Do something creative." Nice advice . .  . except, sometimes the reason you are online is because you are, as I was today, beyond your ability to do anything else. You can't concentrate to read. There is no outside for you to enjoy. There is nothing LEFT in you to be creative. All of that is gone and you just want a small little bit of distraction to calm your broken nerves. But no, the internet goes out and you have nothing.

Then it comes back on and you bitch about your day in a blog post.