I read this article today about someone who thought they'd posted a really inspirational message to all the 'fatties' out there and the response from the person he was probably discussing. As I am sure you can imagine, this is a topic I'm very familiar with. The guy who wrote the first part honestly probably thinks that what he wrote was very inspiring and wonderful. He was probably sincere, in his off putting way, about what he was saying. He probably doesn't realize the impact that Thin Privilege has on his life or how his perspective from the stance of Thin Privilege can make him come off as an asshole.
I think this is the same problem that fitness mom has. You know, the one who is always posting photoshopped pictures of herself with messages like "I've had three babies and I work 8 hours a day, how's come you don't look as good as I do?" She THINKS she's trying to challenge people to be more healthy. All she is doing is pissing them off. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter what your intentions are. If your message fails, you need to find a new way to convey it.
Anyway, I wanted to talk about privilege and being viewed. When you have standing as the Other (you're a woman, you're ethnic, you're not presenting a socially accepted body weight, you're old, you're gay, etc), being looked at isn't something you often desire. Quite often, you know the reason you're being watched is because of your Otherness. People are making judgments and assumptions about you. People are scrutinizing you, trying to assess if you pose a danger . . . or if they need to place you in danger. If you're reading this and it seems paranoid to you, keep in mind that you may be reading it from your own privilege. Maybe you've never been watched as an object of sexual desire. Maybe you've never been the 15 minute topic of a group of people's very loud jokes. Maybe you've never been publicly shamed, only on the basis of you being you. If things like this have never happened, awesome. For the rest of us, being watched isn't usually that fun.
Take this guy's letter for example. This running area was probably full of joggers, many of whom he could have watched. Instead, he picked out the fat person. He didn't just casually notice him either. He watched enough to see his gait, to make comment about the way he ran, to understand his routines. Just that part alone is enough to send many people who don't enjoy a privileged status into cringing. He commented on the amount of sweat the man was producing. He noted how he didn't make eye contact with others. Watching him. Watching him. Watching him.
Then he went on to make assumptions about him. He talked about what he assumed were his eating habits. He talked about what the man must be thinking. He made guesses about how much he must weigh and when he started changing his life. And yes, yes. He said all of this in what seemed like a complimentary manner. But it wasn't. Instead, what this man communicated to the 'fattie' was that he is watching him, judging him, and making guesses about his life.
People bitch about fat people being fat, but then when they see one of us doing some kind of exercise, they act like the circus has come to town. Suddenly we're here for their amusement, their horror, and their judgment. The more openly shitty people just make snide comments about it. The ones who want to feel good about themselves try to be complimentary. "Oh look at me. I'm so awesome because I encouraged that nasty gross fat person to be less fat. I'm so good."
Everyone judges everyone else. I get that. I do that. I am probably just as guilty of watching people as the next person. At the same time, I'm also aware enough to know better than to say something about it. It's tacky. If you don't know someone, just keep your mouth (or your typing fingers) quiet about what is going on in their lives. The mama with 8 kids doesn't need your opinions. The cute gay couple who is taking care of their 3 yr old doesn't need you to tell them how it's so darling that they look just like a 'normal' family. The fat man on the track doesn't need to know you're impressed that he can get his fat self there, despite all his failings and the fact that donuts still exist. No one is stopping you from your opinions, but it might do you some good to keep them to yourself.
Just let us live in peace.
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