You would think I would have slept better last night after finding out my test results, but I didn't. I guess I was just way too riveted by it. The last two nights ended up restless for me. It was around 3:30 before I could sleep last night. This is rather counter productive. I'm not going to be too upset about it though. At this point in this weird little journey, I've somewhat accepted that often my body and emotions will react in ways I can't predict.
I'm not sure if it's just the energy from finding out about the no cancer thing or just the change in season, but I've been on edge all day too. Despite my meds, my mood has been dark and dreary. It's this way for my roommate too. We're both pretty dark right now. I think we need some Halloween specials to cheer us up. Or something.
Part of the problem is that all the fans are off and the noise isn't being filtered. Of course, I love the quiet of the fans being off. After a while, that constant hum can grate on my nerves. At the same time, when they're off, I hear every other little noise in the world. When I'm already on edge, I assume these noises are going to be something fucking up with the house? See how bad it is right now?
Maybe I'll be out of this funk by the end of the month. I'd like to go into the holidays with a good spirit. After all, I survived the year! That's impressive.
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