Scorno

Recently, there has been a lot of discussion about nerds and geeks and the kind of scorn they face. It's been in the overall Gamergate discussion, but I think it's part of the dialogue that needs to be explored more. That isn't to excuse any of the horrible things that have happened to people in the name of Gamergate, but to point out that there is a lot of pain all around. This article discusses that very well. It talks about the pain of being a social outcast, but still takes the gamers to task for the shit some of them have put other people through.

I am not going to pretend I get this kind of pain for the male perspective, because I'm not one. I empathize, but I won't condescend and say I understand that kind of pain. All I can talk about is my own. I was always a geek girl, but even that was overshadowed by something else.  I've was (am) The Fat Girl, which is its own kind of place of scorn.

The thing about being fat is that you can't hide it. Fat people become easy targets for this reason. We're not viewed as attractive. We're assumed to be lazy. People analyze our behaviors and believe they have us all figured out. The shittiest part of that is realizing that a lot of the times, you even play in to their stereotypes. God, that so sucks. And you stereotype them right back. When a lot of people dish our scorn to you, part of your emotional defense is to stop seeing them as individuals and just to see them as types. You begin to fit people into groups of how they will react to you.

There are the Outright Haters. These are the people who will just scream "FAT BITCH" at you for like ten minutes. And laugh. These are the people who believe you're there for their amusement and resentment. This can get pretty brutal for some fat people. There are some Outright Haters who believe they should fat bash. They will beat up fat people just for being fat. I'm not sure what that is supposed to accomplish. Thankfully, this has never happened to me.

As I have mentioned before, there are the Concern Trolls. These people will constantly bring up your fatness, but in a way that makes it seem like they're trying to help you. They'll talk about diets. They'll talk about your health issues. They'll talk about people they know who have changed their lives for the better by getting rid of the fat. Of course, they're not doing this to really help you. They're doing it because they like to make people VERY AWARE of their flaws.

As annoying (and sometimes dangerous) as these first two groups can be, I think the most difficult group to deal with when you're fat are the Charitable Angels. These are the people who will be nice to you and include you in things, but make sure to let you are always aware of the fact that they are doing you a favor. They don't HAVE to be nice to your fatass self, but they will be, and you should be damned grateful for it. You're an undesirable, after all. And they are being so nice by including you. This kind of person never really tries to get to know you as a person. They will always see you as the Token, the misfit they included just to appear inclusive.

Now, I not saying these are the only people I've ever met in my life. I have some very amazing friends who see me as me and accept me for who I am, flaws and all. I love the hell out of them for that.  And I'm a grown up now and realize that as much as those three groups can get on my nerves and have done some damage to me, anyone who is the Other faces these people from time to time. And any of us can slip into these groups if we're not being self aware.

I think it's very easy to form opinions about people who are different than us. Hell, look at what I even did with this post! I have all kinds of opinions about the people in these groups, and some of those opinions are less than nice. I think we need to remember that we're not entitled to give everyone our opinions of them though. Sometimes it's best to just keep things to ourselves. Even if we don't like someone or approve of what they do, they still deserve dignity. If we take away their dignity, that's saying a lot more about us than it is about them.