Saturday, February 7, 2015

Panic Mode

TWO years ago today I was in the process of dealing with the 1099-C scare. It hadn't been settled as of yet. I'd mostly just calmed myself down enough to do research on it. The research was complicated and confusing, and I was so emotional I had trouble focusing on the details of it. However, eventually, I began to understand what I was reading, find my solutions, and fix the ordeal. While I was trying to find a way through it, my mind was preparing me for the idea that I might not be able to fix anything.

This is something my brain always does, a kind of deep rationalization to make me cold to the problem. "What is the absolute worse thing that can happen?" I consider that, realize how bad it will be.........and accept it. With a kind of wry finality, I just accept it. "Okay, so this awful thing may happen to me, and this will be how I cope with it." And while this never exactly brings me peace of mind in a complete sense, it at least sooths down some of the panic. With less panic, I can usually function.

Last year, I had to do this several times. Oh hey, I may bleed to death, but at least I won't have to put up with bleeding anymore. Oh hey, I may die during surgery, but I'll be knocked out and won't realize it. Oh hey, I may die of cancer, but at least if I die, I won't have to endure chemo.

See, it's just a process of realizing the worst thing that can happen and then trying to look on  the bright side of it. It gives you a way to move forward, something positive ahead of you, even if it's a kind of twisted positive. It helps though, at least, it helps me. Having that small positive thing can be enough to keep me from screaming, enough to help me focus on trying to find solutions. It is one of the better coping skills I have.

No comments:

Post a Comment