Parent Overload

I read an article today by a woman who had her first kid in 1994. She was 17 at the time, and single. And even as a single, teenaged mother, she still felt like she had a better grip on being a parent than people seem to have these days, even more than she herself seems to have these days with her younger kids. She thinks the problem is the information overload parents have to deal with.

When she was younger, her only guidance about raising her kid was her parents and a copy of What to Expect When You're Expecting. She says even as far as her parents go, it wasn't that much help. Her mother would give her suggestions and tell her what she did, but always reminded her to trust her own instincts. She wrote that her mother trusted her and so she trusted herself to do right by her kids.

Now though, we have tons of blogs, articles, and differing opinions about how to raise children. It seems that every day, I see a new article about how someone else is raising their kid and how you're probably not doing that. People scream about working moms or ones that stay at home full time. They have intense statements about breast feeding versus bottle feeding or when to stop or IF to stop. And even though everyone seems to have a drastically different idea about how to raise children, they all seem to believe their ideas are correct . . . and probably yours are wrong.

I'm not a parent, but I know a lot of parents and have heard many of them express dismay at how badly they think they're doing. And these aren't the parents who let their kids roam naked on the needle covered floors of their drug dens, these are responsible, educated people who are good parents . . . but somehow believe that they're not.

One of the biggest problems with living in a consumer-driven society is that those who are selling things often do so by convincing us that we're miserable failures if we don't buy. They may be selling products, they may be selling books, they may just be selling clicks to their blogposts. Whatever it is, they do so by exploiting the uncertainty that has been instilled in us since we were young that we're not good on our own and need ALL THE STUFF to be better.

Any time someone gives you their opinion, especially if it concerns you directly, it's always wise to consider what they really want from you. Are they trying to actually help you in your life? Are they trying to tear you down for their own benefit? Are they trying to control you? Sell you stuff? Make you feel insecure so you'll buy stuff, even when you don't need it? And if they're doing it for any reason other than to truly help you, it might be best to not take what they have to say with a grain of salt.

As a parent, you will fail. You'll screw up. You'll make mistakes. You'll do regrettable things. You'll feel like you betrayed your kid and yourself and everyone. However, assuming you're somewhat invested and responsible, you won't do this ALL the time. You'll still do it some of the time because you're a flawed human and that's just what we do. We mess up. We ignore people. We make people unhappy. We also make them very happy and quite often, we make them feel valued.

Raising a kid who feels valued will go a long way towards them becoming a decent, functioning adult.