Spoon Rations

One aspect of Spoon Theory that needs to be understood by those who are not ill is that those who are ill need time to plan. I used to be pretty spontaneous. I loved being spontaneous. However as I've gotten older and less able, I've come to understand that doing things off the cuff is a privilege I no longer possess.

My roommate received a chance to do one of his appointments a week early. He was told two hours before the rescheduled appointment. He took it because of course, he knew he needed to, but he also understood that for both of us, there would be a cost. By the time we were back home, we were both exhausted and borderline sick. By bedtime, he was sick and I was feeling like someone ran me over. Doing something that isn't planned has just become really hard.

See, this is the thing, if you call me and tell me you want to see me, understand, I want to see you too. I do. I probably want that more than anything. It's just to be able to see you, I'm going to have to get cleaned up, put on decent clothes, deal with driving, deal with walking, deal with altering my mindset from that of 'hanging at the house' to 'going out and dealing with people.' And yes, I understand that all of these things are easy and simple and probably taken for granted when someone is well. When I was abler, I felt that way too. It just isn't the case now.

Whenever I am asked to do something, I have to consider those spoons. I have to weigh my want to be social (and I do want to be social) against the toll this will take on me. On the good days, I will always choose to go out. On the bad days, and there are a lot of bad days, I'll have to decline. When I decline, I will have that I had to do it, because I really do like being social with the people. Well, my people, not all of the people. You know what I mean.