If you're religious, the statement I made above will make you think, perhaps even a little smugly, that what this desire is for is God. You would tell me, if you were here, that all of these needs for . . . something . . . can be fulfilled in surrendering to whatever religion you happen to be following.
I would almost believe you . . . except, everyone I know who is religious is still struggling with this same emotional hunger. None of them seem any more sated than anyone else. In fact, I would venture to say many of them are even less happy. I don't mean that in a smug way. It's sad, really.
My roommate and I were watching Hoarders tonight, in a state of both awe and horror. I've noticed a lot of people have the same reaction to the show. The first one is "How do these people get this way? It's terrible." The second reaction is "They are insane and need to get help." The third reaction is "Oh holy hell, what if I'm a hoarder and I just don't realize it?"
Most of us are hoarders. Maybe not in the sense that we have to create paths to walk through our houses, but in an emotional or mental sense, yeah....we are.
I thought about this concept quite a lot the last few hours and decided that for my Friday List, I would talk about things I let collect in my brain when I should just let them go.
- Past Insults. There is an old saying, and I've probably used it on the blog before: Tell a girl she's pretty and she'll believe you for a minute. Tell her she's ugly and she believes it for the rest of her life. You know, despite the failing condition of my memory, I still very clearly remember all the horrible things people have said to me over the years. I really don't need those thoughts collecting dust in my brain, so I'm going to make an effort to cast them out.
- Past Injustice. I think everyone has had moments when they were treated unjustly, or believe they were treated unjustly. It stung at the time, but unless there is something you can actively do about it now, why keep it around to dwell on it?
- Patterns of sabotage. In the next year, I'm going to be making a lot of changes in my life. Many of them are going to be scary and involve risk-taking I have never done or at least haven't done in a long time. Already my mind is trying to sabotage all of this, using statements it's digging up from memories of crap my family has said to me over the years. There is absolutely no need to keep this around.
- Paranoia. The reason the Paranoid Parrot meme works so well is because people honestly do have these reactions. "Slight cough, must be lung cancer." "Noise outside, must be angry mob." Look, we have fear responses to help us stay alive, but quite often, many people, myself included, can let this fear cripple us into nonreaction. I don't need that in my life anymore.
- Feelings of unworthiness. I wasn't a planned child. In fact, I was a baby who derailed the plans of others. I spent most of my young life feeling like I was a burden and it was best I ask for as little as possible. Even though I have tried to fight this pattern, I often still feel unworthy. There are moments when I truly think I just won't ever be allowed to be happy or have a stable house or have a stable income or a good job or a productive life or health. It's just not for me. But that, again, is ridiculous. I am just as worthy as anyone else of having a happy and successful life. It's just a matter of me working toward it.
Okay, that isn't by any means all of the things I can let go of, but it's a good start. I'm going to try and actively start altering my mindset to where these elements don't even come into play. I know it will take a long time, but that's fine. It really is.
As we were watching the show, my roommate and I talked about how it was easy for the hoarders to get overwhelmed. There was so much stuff, sometimes piled all the way to the ceiling. One man had a basement so full of stuff, he had to turn sideways to even walk through the narrow paths he had for himself. To consider how to get rid of and organize all of that was daunting.
Then we talked about how the best thing to do was to not look at the big picture. Look at one small bit of space at a time. Clean it. Organize it. Once you're finished with that, just move to the next small space. Eventually, once you've done enough small spaces, the larger space isn't so bad.
Yes, this means it may take you the rest of your life to fix whatever it is, but at least you're moving forward instead of backward. It will be difficult, there will even be setbacks. But that's okay. Just learn from them and move on.
Wow, I'm certainly Miss Positive Barbie tonight. Baby steps, people. Baby steps.
As we were watching the show, my roommate and I talked about how it was easy for the hoarders to get overwhelmed. There was so much stuff, sometimes piled all the way to the ceiling. One man had a basement so full of stuff, he had to turn sideways to even walk through the narrow paths he had for himself. To consider how to get rid of and organize all of that was daunting.
Then we talked about how the best thing to do was to not look at the big picture. Look at one small bit of space at a time. Clean it. Organize it. Once you're finished with that, just move to the next small space. Eventually, once you've done enough small spaces, the larger space isn't so bad.
Yes, this means it may take you the rest of your life to fix whatever it is, but at least you're moving forward instead of backward. It will be difficult, there will even be setbacks. But that's okay. Just learn from them and move on.
Wow, I'm certainly Miss Positive Barbie tonight. Baby steps, people. Baby steps.
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